It's super frustrating to have to all the housework yourself, including the messes of your child while your child just sits around and keeps making a mess.
So I'm trying to implement some chores for him. Some very simple, age appropriate chores.
Trying to get him to stay focused on the task at hand, completely the chore, and not lolli-gagging around, is also super frustrating. If I have to follow him around every single second to make sure it's getting done, I may as well do the chore myself. I try to give him a little freedom without me having to look for his shoulder, but when I go to check up on him, he's just playing with whatever is nearby.
Do I have to throw all his toys away so that there is no mess ever? So that he doesn't have anything to play with when he's supposed to be doing chores.
I'm at my wit's end with this crap. I'm TIRED. I work three jobs, then come home after being exhausted, just to stare at my house of a mess.
Not to mention that I have friends and family who are always judging me on it. Not that they would admit to me that they do, but I know they do. They can walk in my shoes for a week, then tell me that they aren't tired everyday.
Yes, I can be a slob. But I sure as hell ain't how I used to be. That's for damn sure.
It feels like too many people expect too much out of me.
Can't they see that I'm trying to do the best I can with what I'm given?
I don't make a lot of money...I make just barely enough to get by with bills and necessity.
I'm still in debt.
There are a couple of bills that are going unpaid right now until I get more money.
I love working at Jimmy John's and people I work with there.
I don't like working at a gas station where the higher-ups don't give a single damn about how hard you work for them...they still look you over when you want to desperately to move up in the company. They lie to you. I don't want to work for anybody that has to lie to me. I love most of my coworkers at the gas station.
Working for my dad is the highest pay, but the lower paychecks. I get bored, there is not always guaranteed work to do, and what work there is, I usually don't like it to begin with. It's not fun, but I stay to help my dad.
I don't want to work for him anymore, though. I don't have just the father-daughter bond with him...now it's boss-employee with some father-daughter.
I think family members are usually best not working with each other.
*sigh*
It's a frustrating night and it hasn't even been a real sucky day. I hope the rest of you are doing better than I am!
Monday, April 7, 2014
April 7, 2014
I had another one of those "boyfriend" dreams. But this was kind of different than the others. I mean, it started out like the same...I'm sincerely happy with this wonderful guy who accepts Kaiden and I the way we are. There's more to it though. It was like I was sending a message to myself? In my dream I was trying to take a selfie (yeah I kind of do those a lot) and I was saying out loud but trying to type it out, "I just have to be happy with myself before being happy with someone else."
I hear that a lot.
I don't like to admit it because I really haven't liked myself for just about all of my life. I never liked the way I looked, talked, walked, everything about me. But there has to be something about me that's good, because I do have a few best friends who have stuck by me, dealt with me, never left my side through anything for the past 10+ years.
I always truly felt that I can't be happy with myself until someone loves me and shows me that I'm worth loving.
And people have. Just not in the way I was counting on.
My son, first and foremost. He loves me no matter what I do, say, or look like. He has unconditional love for me and it's pure.
My best friends, secondly. Like I mentioned above, for some reason they have stuck with me for so many years.
One day, I will meet my soul mate, the one I'm supposed to be with. I'm honestly hoping it's this year. I feel this year is going to be the best year. I just feel it.
In my dream as well, I was on this beach and I was trying to write the date in the sand. It was October...so who knows?
God works in mysterious ways for sure. I just have to have unwavering faith in His plan for Kaiden and I.
<3
I hear that a lot.
I don't like to admit it because I really haven't liked myself for just about all of my life. I never liked the way I looked, talked, walked, everything about me. But there has to be something about me that's good, because I do have a few best friends who have stuck by me, dealt with me, never left my side through anything for the past 10+ years.
I always truly felt that I can't be happy with myself until someone loves me and shows me that I'm worth loving.
And people have. Just not in the way I was counting on.
My son, first and foremost. He loves me no matter what I do, say, or look like. He has unconditional love for me and it's pure.
My best friends, secondly. Like I mentioned above, for some reason they have stuck with me for so many years.
One day, I will meet my soul mate, the one I'm supposed to be with. I'm honestly hoping it's this year. I feel this year is going to be the best year. I just feel it.
In my dream as well, I was on this beach and I was trying to write the date in the sand. It was October...so who knows?
God works in mysterious ways for sure. I just have to have unwavering faith in His plan for Kaiden and I.
<3
Sunday, April 6, 2014
April 6, 2014
So it's obviously been awhile.
I just didn't really know what else to say anymore.
I felt like nobody really read any posts...like I was talking to myself.
Maybe I am.
Maybe that's what I need.
I created this blog in hopes of trying to reach out and talk about important topics such as Asperger's Syndrome, Phenylketonuria, COPD, Congenital Heart disease and anything else I mentioned...but failed to do so.
All of those topics are still very much important and dear to me, but the reality is that I don't really know much about those topics from a first hand point of view.
A lot of what I talked about was information on what I have found online, which any one of you could do yourselves if you really wanted to know about them.
Sure, my sister has Asperger's Syndrome and my brother has Phenylketonuria...but that's them. I don't really know about their lives anymore.
Yes, I see them just about everyday. But I don't live with them anymore. I don't talk about their conditions, either. I don't know what it's like to actually live their lives.
So, I've decided to not make my blog about these very important topics, but to talk about me, my life, my son, and all those dear to me...even those that aren't.
I always thought my life was kind of boring, but really, it kind of isn't.
I could tell stories up and down about my friends, families, memories of the past, and the type of crazy stuff that happens at each of my jobs. Okay, well two of my jobs.
So like my blog is called, "Life Like Mine,"...you are really going to see what it's like to live like me.
A single mom to a wonderfully silly and smart almost five year-old boy, who works three very different jobs, trying to balance work life with personal life and raising a kid in these crazy times of the world.
For the first time in my life, I really want to embrace who I really am. I want to embrace my flaws, but also work on bettering myself for the good of my son and I.
So hold on, because sometimes my life can get pretty crazy.
But with the love and support from God, my family, and my friends...I got this.
<3
I just didn't really know what else to say anymore.
I felt like nobody really read any posts...like I was talking to myself.
Maybe I am.
Maybe that's what I need.
I created this blog in hopes of trying to reach out and talk about important topics such as Asperger's Syndrome, Phenylketonuria, COPD, Congenital Heart disease and anything else I mentioned...but failed to do so.
All of those topics are still very much important and dear to me, but the reality is that I don't really know much about those topics from a first hand point of view.
A lot of what I talked about was information on what I have found online, which any one of you could do yourselves if you really wanted to know about them.
Sure, my sister has Asperger's Syndrome and my brother has Phenylketonuria...but that's them. I don't really know about their lives anymore.
Yes, I see them just about everyday. But I don't live with them anymore. I don't talk about their conditions, either. I don't know what it's like to actually live their lives.
So, I've decided to not make my blog about these very important topics, but to talk about me, my life, my son, and all those dear to me...even those that aren't.
I always thought my life was kind of boring, but really, it kind of isn't.
I could tell stories up and down about my friends, families, memories of the past, and the type of crazy stuff that happens at each of my jobs. Okay, well two of my jobs.
So like my blog is called, "Life Like Mine,"...you are really going to see what it's like to live like me.
A single mom to a wonderfully silly and smart almost five year-old boy, who works three very different jobs, trying to balance work life with personal life and raising a kid in these crazy times of the world.
For the first time in my life, I really want to embrace who I really am. I want to embrace my flaws, but also work on bettering myself for the good of my son and I.
So hold on, because sometimes my life can get pretty crazy.
But with the love and support from God, my family, and my friends...I got this.
<3
Monday, March 3, 2014
Life's Adventure
As I was driving today, I thought to myself, "Your life is boring."
One of the most used phrases by me is, "I'm bored."
I'm always busy with work, but it's the same old thing over and over each day. So, boring.
But right now, I'm really okay with it. I'm not ready for a big adventure right now. Small ones like travel vacations to places I've never been before, sure. But huge life changing adventures? Not yet.
I like my comfort zone.
I have all these hopes and dreams for my son and I. I know I have to get used to being out of my comfort zone in order to achieve them. That idea...it really just frightens me a tad bit, but I'm slowly doing steps to get to that point.
I'm going back to school, doing 3 classes online this summer, all at different times so it's not a huge load on my back. That's a small step in achieving my biggest goal of working in the NHL, National Hockey League. I am going to school to get my Bachelor's in Marketing with a focus on Sports Marketing. I ultimately dream to work with the Detroit Red Wings, but if that is not possible, I would like to work for Toronto Maple Leafs, Chicago Blackhawks, Nashville Predators, San Jose Sharks, Vancouver Canucks, Anaheim Ducks, or LA Kings.
I WILL GET THERE!
What is your dream? Where do you aspire to be in so many years? What are your comfort zones? Will you do what it takes to get to your biggest life adventures?
Just some food for thought. :)
One of the most used phrases by me is, "I'm bored."
I'm always busy with work, but it's the same old thing over and over each day. So, boring.
But right now, I'm really okay with it. I'm not ready for a big adventure right now. Small ones like travel vacations to places I've never been before, sure. But huge life changing adventures? Not yet.
I like my comfort zone.
I have all these hopes and dreams for my son and I. I know I have to get used to being out of my comfort zone in order to achieve them. That idea...it really just frightens me a tad bit, but I'm slowly doing steps to get to that point.
I'm going back to school, doing 3 classes online this summer, all at different times so it's not a huge load on my back. That's a small step in achieving my biggest goal of working in the NHL, National Hockey League. I am going to school to get my Bachelor's in Marketing with a focus on Sports Marketing. I ultimately dream to work with the Detroit Red Wings, but if that is not possible, I would like to work for Toronto Maple Leafs, Chicago Blackhawks, Nashville Predators, San Jose Sharks, Vancouver Canucks, Anaheim Ducks, or LA Kings.
I WILL GET THERE!
What is your dream? Where do you aspire to be in so many years? What are your comfort zones? Will you do what it takes to get to your biggest life adventures?
Just some food for thought. :)
Sunday, February 23, 2014
2/23/2014
Hey everyone!
Well, it's only been 2 1/2 days into my "vacation" time off and I'm already bored! I've cleaned as much of my apartment as I want to right now...although I'm sure more will get done for the next few days. Kaiden has been doing pretty good since his surgery, until tonight. He's seemed to go downhill and more in pain. He doesn't even want to lay with me tonight. I will probably just bring him in anyways when I go to bed. Or lay him in his room. I don't like the idea of him being in the living room all by himself...I don't know why. His cheeks are flushed, but when I took him temperature he was at normal temp. I was told the 3rd-5th days would be the worst and that's tomorrow.
I know, I know...I'm not the most exciting person right now. My life has actually been pretty boring lately. I've just been wanting to get out of this stupid cold and snowy winter into some place WARM. Road trips are calling my name, but unfortunately, so are bills. Now that my tax refund had come and gone, most of my bills have been taken care of.
Well, I'm off for now.
I hope everyone is good!
Well, it's only been 2 1/2 days into my "vacation" time off and I'm already bored! I've cleaned as much of my apartment as I want to right now...although I'm sure more will get done for the next few days. Kaiden has been doing pretty good since his surgery, until tonight. He's seemed to go downhill and more in pain. He doesn't even want to lay with me tonight. I will probably just bring him in anyways when I go to bed. Or lay him in his room. I don't like the idea of him being in the living room all by himself...I don't know why. His cheeks are flushed, but when I took him temperature he was at normal temp. I was told the 3rd-5th days would be the worst and that's tomorrow.
I know, I know...I'm not the most exciting person right now. My life has actually been pretty boring lately. I've just been wanting to get out of this stupid cold and snowy winter into some place WARM. Road trips are calling my name, but unfortunately, so are bills. Now that my tax refund had come and gone, most of my bills have been taken care of.
Well, I'm off for now.
I hope everyone is good!
Friday, February 21, 2014
2/21/2014.
Hey everyone.
It's been awhile since I have updated, and I even got told the other day that I had nothing for someone to read. ;) If she's reading this, she knows who she is. Haha, love youuu.
She's right, though. I haven't been on lately. I always say work, but in truth, lately it's because I have been lazy and tired.
I am vacation right now for the next few days, as my son has had his tonsils and adenoids taken out this morning. I am staying home from work to be with him during his recovery. Right now, he's camping out in the living room with the TV, since he's supposed to be taking it easy. He can't go school for a week and can not play in gym for two weeks. He LOVES gym. He's my active, athletic little guy. :)
I will be able to be on here more, and I expect to be since I will most likely get bored these next few days. This time off of work will be so beneficial to me, since I will have the time to spend with Kaiden, get my apartment the way I want, and have the time to recharge and re-energize so I can go back to work and have at it. I have been way too exhausted and it has definitely been affecting my output at work. Although, I do have to say that this whole week, I have probably been more productive at two of my jobs than I have been in awhile, and that's probably because I knew I had some days off coming up to recoup.
I'm actually excited to be going back to work in a while. Since I have gotten most people, bills, and other such things paid off last week, I will be able to start saving for vacations, road trips, and other fun things for Kaiden and I to do. I'm excited to be able to take him and one of my best friends/sisters to both of their first Red Wings game in March! :) It's going to be such an exciting time and experience. Plus, it would only be my second time going to a game without my dad!
Things are starting to look up, I just gotta keep the faith in God. :) I'm proud to say that each and everyday, my relationship with Him is going to get stronger!
I hope you all have a good day/night!
Until next time. :)
It's been awhile since I have updated, and I even got told the other day that I had nothing for someone to read. ;) If she's reading this, she knows who she is. Haha, love youuu.
She's right, though. I haven't been on lately. I always say work, but in truth, lately it's because I have been lazy and tired.
I am vacation right now for the next few days, as my son has had his tonsils and adenoids taken out this morning. I am staying home from work to be with him during his recovery. Right now, he's camping out in the living room with the TV, since he's supposed to be taking it easy. He can't go school for a week and can not play in gym for two weeks. He LOVES gym. He's my active, athletic little guy. :)
I will be able to be on here more, and I expect to be since I will most likely get bored these next few days. This time off of work will be so beneficial to me, since I will have the time to spend with Kaiden, get my apartment the way I want, and have the time to recharge and re-energize so I can go back to work and have at it. I have been way too exhausted and it has definitely been affecting my output at work. Although, I do have to say that this whole week, I have probably been more productive at two of my jobs than I have been in awhile, and that's probably because I knew I had some days off coming up to recoup.
I'm actually excited to be going back to work in a while. Since I have gotten most people, bills, and other such things paid off last week, I will be able to start saving for vacations, road trips, and other fun things for Kaiden and I to do. I'm excited to be able to take him and one of my best friends/sisters to both of their first Red Wings game in March! :) It's going to be such an exciting time and experience. Plus, it would only be my second time going to a game without my dad!
Things are starting to look up, I just gotta keep the faith in God. :) I'm proud to say that each and everyday, my relationship with Him is going to get stronger!
I hope you all have a good day/night!
Until next time. :)
Friday, February 7, 2014
February 7, 2014
So I didn't post again by the end January like I said I would, but honestly, I didn't get a lot of readers when I was posting about COPD. It's a serious topic, but I guess none of you really care much about it, so I'm moving on from it for now.
A little update on my personal life:
Yesterday was my younger sister's 19th birthday. This is her second birthday that I'm not able to spend with her, as she is still living in Florida. I miss her a lot.
Yesterday was also the start of my weight loss journey.
I stepped on the scale and hated what I saw. Now, I'm not like 300 pounds or anything, but I don't remember being heavier than I am now and I don't like it one bit. So I have decided to actually and finally do something about it. I think my weight is also a reason why my knees and ankles always hurt. Today, I'm going to see a knee doctor about my right knee because it gives me horrible pains anytime I kneel on it, even a little bit. It's frustrating and gets in the way of living my life because I keep forgetting about it until it happens and when that pain shoots through my leg, it makes me not able to move for a few minutes until that pain goes away.
Four days ago, February 3, was the anniversary of my grandmother's death. It has been 3 years and ohh how I miss her and love her. She was one of the best women, one of the most Christianly, kind, caring, loving, sweet, beautiful, amazing, and talented women I have ever know. I want to be more like her, but it's hard for me to be kind to those who just annoy the crap out of me. I don't have her patience. She used to always make quilts, play the piano and accordion, and bake. Ohh how she loved to do each one of those. I used to hate when she would called me, "Livy." I always got mad because that's what my friends called me, not what my grandmother should. But now I would give almost anything to hear her say it again.
The song, "See You Again" by Carrie Underwood is a fantastic song and reminds me sooo much of her and her death. I heard it on the radio as I was coming back from a Jimmy John's delivery yesterday and I started crying. It would also be 3 years from today that the funeral was held. Sooo many people came to it. She was very much loved by everybody she came into contact with. I'm so proud to be the oldest granddaughter of such a fabulous woman. <3
A little update on my personal life:
Yesterday was my younger sister's 19th birthday. This is her second birthday that I'm not able to spend with her, as she is still living in Florida. I miss her a lot.
Yesterday was also the start of my weight loss journey.
I stepped on the scale and hated what I saw. Now, I'm not like 300 pounds or anything, but I don't remember being heavier than I am now and I don't like it one bit. So I have decided to actually and finally do something about it. I think my weight is also a reason why my knees and ankles always hurt. Today, I'm going to see a knee doctor about my right knee because it gives me horrible pains anytime I kneel on it, even a little bit. It's frustrating and gets in the way of living my life because I keep forgetting about it until it happens and when that pain shoots through my leg, it makes me not able to move for a few minutes until that pain goes away.
Four days ago, February 3, was the anniversary of my grandmother's death. It has been 3 years and ohh how I miss her and love her. She was one of the best women, one of the most Christianly, kind, caring, loving, sweet, beautiful, amazing, and talented women I have ever know. I want to be more like her, but it's hard for me to be kind to those who just annoy the crap out of me. I don't have her patience. She used to always make quilts, play the piano and accordion, and bake. Ohh how she loved to do each one of those. I used to hate when she would called me, "Livy." I always got mad because that's what my friends called me, not what my grandmother should. But now I would give almost anything to hear her say it again.
The song, "See You Again" by Carrie Underwood is a fantastic song and reminds me sooo much of her and her death. I heard it on the radio as I was coming back from a Jimmy John's delivery yesterday and I started crying. It would also be 3 years from today that the funeral was held. Sooo many people came to it. She was very much loved by everybody she came into contact with. I'm so proud to be the oldest granddaughter of such a fabulous woman. <3
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