If you have known me for a few years...maybe even since middle school, you'd know that I wasn't particularly happy with my life. It wasn't that it was bad or anything. My parents were (and still are) married, there was a roof over my head, food in my stomach, clothes on my back, everything I needed and then some. But it was those teenage years where you just aren't satisfied or you wanted something else.
I wasn't exactly popular in school, in any of the schools I had been to. I was more so the outcast that dressed in dark clothing and was just plain weird. Hey, I admit it. Then I think back and more than half of my best friends I had met in middle school. They were weird, too. ;)
All through high school and the early part of my adult life...all I did was want, want, want. I wanted what I couldn't have. I was jealous of those that had what I wanted.
Like relationships. I never had a serious relationship, not even with the father of my son. That was more a summer fling that ended up with a child. The most amazing child I could ask for, by the way. None of my relationships to date have lasted more than 2 months. I never had a deep connection with any of them.
Now, I have some friends that are married, engaged, or in long term relationships and for a while I had been jealous while being happy for them. I wanted (and still do want) a relationship with my soul mate. I think about it each and every day.
As of late...my contentment has grown. Sure, there are still things I want that I don't have now...but it's like for once I'm not constantly chasing after something else, the next thing.
I have a full time job that are meeting the bills and giving me spending money.
My son is happy and healthy.
I'm literally in such a good mood right now.
My life doesn't suck like I thought some years ago. ;)
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