April 12, 2014

I hate rain.
I mean, I like that it isn't snow.
But I hate rain.
I don't like having to stay cooped up in my apartment when it's supposed to be the warmest day we have had in a while. I don't like getting my clothes wet.
So I'm stuck.

Well, last night pretty much sucked. For being the last home game, they didn't play all that well. It's like, okay we made the playoffs so we don't have to play so hard for the last two games. No. That's not how it goes. We already don't have home ice advantage and now we apparently want to play Boston instead of Pittsburgh? Aye. Even for the last home game of the regular season, play your hearts out and play like you did against Pitts for your fans! Your fans who have supported you through the ups and downs, been there anyways when it looked like you weren't going to make the playoffs.

It is what it is. They just better get it together before the playoffs and play hard!

Rain puts me in a bad mood. Unless there is sunshine out. But there's not, so I'm already in an irritated mood. I have a messy house and a few financial issues over my head that I wish I could shake away but I can't.

Being a single parent is extremely hard and I don't suggest it to anyone, not that anyone tries to be a single parent. But those of you who do have the father of your child trying their best to be involved in your child's life, those that do as much as they can for your child, don't be a dumbass bitch and always complain about that. Don't take it for granted. No matter what your relationship with the father may be, whether you guys get along or not, if he is sincerely trying his damn hardest to be there and help support your child emotionally, physically, financially, and every other kind of way, LET HIM! Don't be selfish.

My son's father always claims on his facebook that he "misses and loves" his children and whatnot. While he may think that he misses and loves them, he doesn't. At least not enough to count. If you really wanted to see your son, you would try everything in your power to. You would make the necessary changes, you would do everything necessary. But you don't. You don't really give a damn. You just care about yourself. I haven't talked to him in months, maybe even a year. I changed my number and blocked him on facebook, so he had no way of contacting me. And I don't feel bad about that one bit.

Now, with just reading that and not knowing the back story behind why I have it this way, you may think that I'm being hypocritical and not letting him see his son.

Reality is, I have tried. Multiple times. He didn't show that he wanted it enough. He doesn't have to pay child support according to the state. I disagree with that. I think he should have to. My son is his child as well. Why do I have to do all the support and he doesn't have to do anything? I find it unfair. Michigan left visitation up to me and I said, "No money, no visitation." Call me a bitch, I don't care. I am the one that pays for every single thing for Kaiden. While I accept the responsibility and am not arguing that I shouldn't have to, I think it would be utterly ridiculous to allow him to see him whenever he wants and not have to pay a single penny for anything.

There is more behind my reasons why besides money.

I don't like his lifestyle. At all. It's absolutely NOT something I want my son around.
I don't like the anger issues he has. Although he has never once laid a hand on me and I honestly don't believe he would ever lay a hand on any of his children, I don't want my son exposed to the verbal lashing out.
If he would just stop getting upset over every time I said no and just listened to the reasons why, maybe he would be seeing his right now.

Okay, rant over.
Time to get my stress under control and quit freaking out inside.