April 19, 2014

So I wrote on facebook that it hasn't been that great of a day and that I probably would not even make a blog post today.

I have decided to anyways.

Today was just emotionally damaging to me.
I've been working out, I've been cutting my food down, I've been cutting pop out ALOT. But it's not good enough. Instead of losing weight, I had fucking gained it! Please excuse that cuss word, but I'm mad.
Why isn't it flipping working?
What do I have to fricking do? Workout for 5 mother trucking hours?! STARVE!?
Obviously, I'm not going to starve.
But that's what I feel like doing.
But don't worry, I really won't. I like food too much.

I went Easter dress shopping with my mom and Kaiden today. And every single dress I tried on made me look like a flipping whale! I was so absolutely downright disgusted with what I saw in the mirror. I became so frustrated that I had been working out, watching what I ate and drank, and NONE OF IT FUCKING MATTERED!!!!!

So what's the point? It's not working. Why bother anymore? Maybe I'm just not meant to be happy with myself. Maybe that's God's plan. Keep me in misery. And according to everyone fucking else, if I can't be happy with myself, I will never have anyone.

So.

I hate everything right now.
Especially me.
Why make everything so damn hard for me? Why does everything have to be so difficult for me in very aspect of my fucking life?!

Obviously, not in a great mood.
Obviously, not in a really giving a damn mood.

But this is part of my life. Don't like what you read, don't read.
Until tomorrow, when I better be in a better mood..