April 9, 2014 #2

Okay, I lied.

I did have deep thoughts today.

I know of a couple of ladies that let their husband/boyfriend/whatever treat them like crap, like less than a human being. It infuriates me. I just don't understand why a woman would allow herself to be put down all the time.
I guess maybe I can understand a bit...I used to be there. I allowed myself to be walked over by my ex boyfriends. I allowed myself to be talked down to, to be disrespected, to be used. All because I thought it was better than being alone.

Boy was I wrong!

I am no longer in such a position and I'm damn proud to say so!
No more will a man use his words to hurt me. God, please help him if he does!
No more will a man use me.
No more will a man disrespect me.

No more.

I'm so much more independent than when I last had a boyfriend...over 2 years ago.
Sometimes I feel okay about it, sometimes I hate it.

I've been told by a good friend who is like my little sister that I am a bitch when someone first meets me. She should know...we didn't like each other when she first starting working with me. Now, I just love her! But in all seriousness, I really am mean to new people I meet. I don't like eye contact, I don't like the change in meeting someone new. I feel weird. I feel like I can't really be who I am. I don't even know why.

I call it a defense mechanism.
I don't like new people getting close to me without knowing who they are.
If I am like this, how can I expect to meet my future mate?
So I know I have to learn to stop putting up those fences.

I expect to find a man who treats me as his equal, treats me with respect, understands that my money isn't for his wants.
This doesn't mean that I won't take care of my man, but it will be an equal partnership, a two way street. As long as one takes care of the other, it will be reciprocated.

Just my ideas.