I'm a complicated and complex person to understand. So much so that I can't even figure myself out. So how do I expect that any guy could? I don't. So that's why I believe that there really isn't someone out there for me. Some people say that everyone has a soul mate. But that really can't be true. At all. Some people don't want to be in relationships and are single until the day that they die. And what about those children, babies, young adults, or even single and never been married adults that die before finding their "one."
I want a boyfriend. I want my mate. I want that one person who is by my side through everything. The one person that won't give up on me, the one person who will still love me through my worst just as he would through my best.
I don't want to be alone. In fact, I'm so afraid of being alone that it stresses me out. I've had to be alone for years. Even though I am living with my sister and used to live with my cousin, but really, more than half the time it felt like I was still alone. I do have Kaiden, but he's a kid. He plays with his toys or watches his shows. Sometimes he hangs out with me...but what kid wants to always hang out with their mom?
I need that adult interaction and conversation. When I'm having a hard day, I need to be able to verbally vent to someone. Not just over texting. And when there is no one there to talk to, I feel like I'm going to just burst on the inside.
I don't understand why I have these needs. I really don't. But I do and I hate it. I wish I could be at peace.
But my life is anything but peace.
I'm so tired of working. I'm so tired of having to depend on someone else in order for my life to go smoothly.
It's times like now that I REALLY hate, and I mean HATE, Kaiden's father. For not being able to grow up and take the responsibility of being a responsible father.
Sometimes, I can't do it.
And I have literally nobody that will understand what I'm feeling.
All my friends either have a boyfriend, finace, or husband and don't really have the time or patience to talk to me.
Except for one friend, but she has enough things going on in her life, just like they all do.
