Apologies!

Hey all!
So sorry about the week or so of no activity. Everything's been crazy and a couple of nights ago, my computer decided to act up terribly. Right now, I'm borrowing my dad's company's laptop for the night. Must return it in the morning before working at the gas station. But I will start hand writing posts and put them on here at the next available time.
Speaking of time! I have about 6 more days until Great Wolf Lodge! I'm beyond excited and in dire NEED of a vacation before I snap and hurt someone!

All joking aside, I really do feel the need for one. I feel so overworked lately and just exhausted.
I am actually looking for a new job and hopefully work for my dad longer. I feel like nothing is going to happen with the gas station and with all the bullcrap that has been going on there lately with a bunch of drama that some "grown adult" women in their 40s want to start, it's just very tiring and irritating.
Just like this computer. It's making it very hard to type this post, so this will be it now. Like now, I can't enter to start a new paragraph. Ridiculous. I will start getting a post together tonight about some Phenylketonuria and types of foods PKUers are allowed and not allowed to eat. Remember to smile! :)

The feels.

Hey all!
So after trying this church out yesterday, I LOVE IT!
Yesterday's service actually hit pretty close to home, not only to me but also to my father. If anyone reading this knows the story between my father and my brother-in-law...it's no secret that my dad does not really like him. But there things during yesterday's sermon that stuck to both of us about thoughts about others and how Jesus really cares more about the origin and thoughts from the heart.
So this affected my dad because of my brother in law.
And it affected me because of my feelings towards a previous co-worker of mine.
And the fact that I know my thoughts.
I will admit right now that I just about critically judge anything that I think is weird. Because I don't like it. It's different when it comes to my friends. That's like honestly, if I tell them they are weird because of something they do that I think is strange...it doesn't bother me. I love each one of my friends...best friends or just friends. I love each and every one of them and would not change a single thing because every little thing makes them who they are.
Pastor Gary really struck it to me when he was talking about these thoughts of "I don't like..."
And of course, just giving every struggle, every painful thought, everything to God...and that just made me feel better.
I've honestly felt better since yesterday.
I find myself catching the bad words that about slip my tongue. I catch myself starting to think the, "I don't like..." thoughts. I catch myself starting to stress over things that aren't in my control that I can't change. The things that only God can, but won't be able to until I give my full trust in him.
One of these things is entrusting in him that I won't be single forever. And for me, this is a big issue to just let go of. Basically because I feel like if I let go of it, nothing will happen and I will be single forever.
So that's going to be a slight struggle because I still don't want to wait more years and I still feel like I will be in pain from the void part in my heart where that special someone is supposed to be. And that's what a lot of people don't understand about me.
Even just the thought of letting go of it is giving me a slight anxiety attack.
But that's going to be one of the ultimate tests of my faith in God. Just letting him deal with it.
Doesn't mean that I won't stop looking...just not looking as hard.
Because I truly want to believe my soulmate is out there.
I just don't feel that special.

Another reason why I need to let it go is that it's making my super jealous of my best friends.
I have one best friend who just got married about 2 1/2 weeks ago, one best friend getting married this October, another best friend getting married next year, and another best friend who is getting married in 2015.
I want to be super happy and ecstatic for them. And I am happy for each and every one of them. But I am also incredibly jealous because they have found their soulmate. And that's not fair to them. But it's one of those feelings that I can't just tuck away or hide away. Jealousy is stuck on my heart like a leech.
So that's yet another thing that I need the Lord's help on.

For any readers that do not believe in God...please understand that I am not trying to push my religion and beliefs on to you. What you believe or don't believe is your choice, but I won't hide my beliefs any longer and will express them. My intentions are not set out to try to convert anybody into believing what I believe...but I will not shy away from anyone who sincerely wants help and guidance in that area of faith.

I am starting to forgive myself, but still have a long way to go.

Remember to smile! :)

Church and Customer Appreciation Day

Hey all!
So today is when I try out a new church for me and see how I like it. Every church I've been too so far has either been too big where you don't really know anyone or too small and the people are judgmental of the fact that I am an unwed, young, single mother. This church is supposed to be "alternative" which basically means non-judgmental...so I'm excited to try it out and see.
My dad and youngest sister are going too!

Onto Customer Appreciation Day!
Every year, my company does Customer Appreciation Days at all of our stores, where there are giveaways for cool prizes and free food! This year, our theme is "Pit Crew" which for us is a play on our store name of the Pit Stop. What's cool about it is that the Mobil 1 racecar will be at our store for customers to see. :) So we get to have cool shirts that say "Pit Crew" on them and one of my co-workers is going to do live music. He's really good!

This happens on Wednesday for us and so I will post pictures of that day because I will definitely be taking some!

When songs do this.

Hey all!
Ever had a song that you just happen to randomly hear as you're listening to the radio, phone, ipod, etc, and it's like it just relates so well to your life at that moment in time?
I love when songs do that. They just seem to jump out at you more and make you feel better in a way...and gives you a new song that you can feel like you connect to.

Some of the songs that do that to me are mostly country music (of course!).

"I got off track, I made mistakes. Backslipped my way into that place where souls get lost, lines get crossed, and the pain won't go away. I hit my knees now here I stand, there I was now here I am. Changed." Changed by Rascall Flatts.

"I'm changed for the better. More smiles, less bitter. I'm even starting to forgive myself." Changed by Rascall Flatts.

"He's mine, that one. Got a wild-hair side and then some. There's no surprise what he's done. He's every last bit of my old man's son (throw in daughter instead). And I'll take the blame and claim him everytime. Yeah he's mine and he will always be the best thing that ever happened to me. You can't turn it off like electricity. I love him unconditionally." He's Mine by Rodney Atkins.

Those are just a couple of songs that I can remember to make examples of for right now. I'm getting pretty tired and thinking about heading to bed soon!

Remember to smile! :)

Testing my patience.

Hey all!

So after yesterday...I really believe that God was testing my patience. Anybody that really knows me knows that I have just about no patience at all. I absolutely hate waiting and I absolutely hate being bored.

Well...I was straight bored for about 5 hours yesterday, seeing as how I was stuck on the side of the highway because of a blown tire in my dad's work van. I was coming back from Chicago with a really expensive rotator for a forklift and some forks. Going 70-80 miles per hour, I am lucky that I was able to control the van and move to the side of the highway with no other damage done to the van, other cars, or myself.
Unfortunately, I moved to the wrong side of the highway. Since I was passing people in the left lane, that's where the tire blew so I moved to the median.
Then my dad called a local tire company (since I was an hour south from home), he told them it was an emergency and they said they were hurrying. Well it had gotten to be an hour and my dad had given me the phone number to call them and so I did. They told me there was a call ahead of me and that it would be another hour/hour and half before they got out there.
Mind you, I'm in a hot van with no A/C, no water...just warm pop. I was also wearing black sweatpants because I thought it was going to be a cooler day. I was wrong.
So I'm sitting there already for two and half hours before the tire company FINALLY shows. They put the tire on, and then we went to check the mileage. T
The battery was dead.
Frick.
Tire guy doesn't have jumper cables, the van didn't have jumper cables. So my dad called his mechanic that was a half hour away from me and he came with his jumper box. Still had to wait there another 45ish minutes.
The jumper box didn't work and he had no cables.
You can probably imagine that by this time, my dad is angry, and I was crying.
I just wanted to go home.
Well, Doug and I went to get a new battery. And that got installed in the van and I was finally on my way after 5 hours.

So I fully believe God was testing my patience. Not that I had much a choice really. But still.

So that's an update on me right now. I have to get off and get ready for work. I got a short Saturday shift that an hour of it is taken up by the store meeting. So that will make it go by faster. Not to mention I have one other person with me at the whole time.
I have tomorrow off. I will be going to church, then home to clean. So I'm sure there will be at least one post on the Asperger's and one post on PKU.

So everyone remember to smile! :)

Changes!

Hey all!
I've decided today that there are going to be some pretty good changes in my life.
I have been talking lately about trying to move up in the company I currently work for...but today has made me wonder if I really want to be a manager at one of our stores. There were some things that were missing and it was a big deal. My manager even cried out of frustration. I don't want to be like that.
I chose to go towards management because I felt that was the only position I could have that was better than a cashier.
Today, I've started to look at other jobs. Something that pays better and can give me ONE fulltime job instead of two part time ones. I'm exhausted between the two and it's not fair to me or my son to give all my energy to work.
My patience has worn very thin...and I'm not sure that I can wait longer for the higher ups to see that I would be ready to accept a management position in some way. I have a son I need to make a better life for. As it is, I'm still technically considered low-income...but I'm getting closer to lower-middle class...I want to be out of poverty.

I have dreams of owning my own home and other things like a boat and beach house.
I'm not saying these things will MAKE my happiness...they are things that I've ALWAYS wanted since I was young.

I have also decided to go back to church and I am going to try out this church nearby. I've seen floats of theirs in our July 4 parade the past couple of years, and I just checked out their website and I am very interested in seeing if this is the church that I can belong to.

We will see on Sunday! :)

Remember to smile! :)

Asperger's Syndrome Introduction

Hey all!
Here is my post about Asperger's syndrome.
Asperger's Syndrome belongs to the group of disorders called pervasive developmental disorders, along with Autism. Somebody with this type of disorder may find it difficult to make friends because of social awkwardness and lack of understanding of social cues that is naturally picked up and learned by somebody who does not have a developmental disorder of any sort. Because of this, a person with Asperger's may find it also difficult to relate to anyone else.

Symptoms listed on WebMD.com about Asperger's Syndrome include the following:
-Very hard time relating to others.
-Like fixed routines.
-May not recognize verbal or non-verbal cues or understand social norms.
-May have a flat style of speech.
-May lack coordination, facial expressions, and body postures.
-May be clumsy.
-May have poor handwriting or other motor skills (such as riding a bike).
-May have one or a few interests, or may focus intensely on a few things.
-May be bothered by loud noises, lights, or strong tastes and textures.

I compared these symptoms to my sister, Gabrielle, who has actually been diagnosed by a doctor with Asperger's Syndrome.

-I do believe and see that she does have a hard time relating to others. There are certain things that she believes should be handled in a certain way. This is because that's how she feels she would handle whatever the situation is if it happened to her. She seems to have a hard time understanding there are other factors that goes in different types of situations...that others have different backgrounds than she does.

-I personally asked her if she prefers fixed routines over unstructured routines. She replied that she likes a fixed routine because it "feels...better. It's neater, I like things with neatness and organization."

-Having a hard time relating to others and not recognizing social cues or norms, to me, go hand-in-hand with each other. Gabrielle has no filter on her mouth. She will say whatever comes to her mind without thinking if it's appropriate to say or not. This has gotten her in trouble in relationships with friends and family, and with her teachers at school.

-I don't see any flat style of speech with her. Her pitch and tone do not seem the same all time...it changes. She does use some "bigger" words for simple things that kids her age normally wouldn't use...but I don't know if I would say that's because of her Asperger's.

-I had to ask her if she felt that she is clumsy because I am not around her all the time and from when I am around her...she doesn't seem to be anymore clumsy than I am. But according to her, "Actually, I am. Just ask Audrie and Zach, they could fill you all in on that!" Audrie is one of her best friends and Zach is her boyfriend who also has Asperger's Syndrome.

-Her handwriting is...very poor! Enough said. Anybody would be able to tell you this.

-I asked about her interests and focus on things. She replied, "Yes, I focus on the littlest details, and will spaz out when something's off. I have a big interest in angels and Bakura (some anime character). I draw them all the time. Oh, writing and drawing are also my fascination."

-I also had to ask about being bothered by loud noise, lights, etc. She replied, "I hate the feel of jeans, and light stroking touches on my arms and legs. I also don't like extremely bright lights, or flickering lights. Some smells I don't like, but I like peaceful smells. And I hate loud chewing and snoring and anything blaring in my ears (music doesn't count.)"

This is all I am doing for this post, since it's such a LONG one, but very informational!
Sorry for the length!
Remember to smile! :)

What a weekend it has been!

Hey all!

So I broke a promise. I said I'd post this weekend with some Asperger's info. Thing is, I was very busy and also not feeling good!
I watched my cousin's daughter overnight Friday and all day Saturday. She is one very active, energized, talkative 7 year old. I love her dearly, but man! I was kept on my toes with that one.
I took her, my son, my brother, and my sister to Lake Michigan in the early afternoon, and then to a local park that has a pretty cool playground and splash pad. So most of my day was spent outside and I got SUNBURNED!
Sunday, my brother, son, my grandfather, and I went to John Ball Park Zoo. Later on that day, the sunburn really got to me and I felt sick to my stomach and sooo tired from Saturday with lack of sleep. I ended up passing out earlier than I usually do which helped because I got a lot of sleep and made me well rested for today at work.

Today, I learned that beginning Thursday, I will be refreshed on how to do the deposits and paperwork so I will be able to do them when my manager is on vacation. This gives me a chance to show my district manager that I can do the job and show her how I handle it and hopefully encourage her that I AM ready to move up in the company.

Meanwhile, I am just getting by in work...working hard and sometimes longer than usual so I can get things paid off and move on in my life. I am hoping that by next July I may be able to own my own house!

Well that's all for this post. In a few minutes I will be uploading a post introducing Asperger's Syndrome!

Remember to smile! :)

It could always be worse.

Hey all!

So I know I complain about being single like all the time. But today just really put me back into the reality that I actually do have it good. I have a job, I have family, I have friends, I have shelter, I have food, I have the necessities in life.

Today, my manager had to leave the store in late morning to take care of a family emergency with her mother and one of my friends came into my work crying because of an uncle passing away, two days after also losing her cousin.

I am very fortunate to not have had any family emergencies or deaths of close ones. Being single is nothing compared to those hard times and I give thanks to the Lord for all that I have going for me.

If you are very down about anything, remember...IT COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE!

Remember to smile! :)

Not sure

When I see people with their significant other... It makes me want to have my own boyfriend. And I do want to get married one day. But just the whole thought of getting to know someone and going through that awkward first part really scares me.

I may want a boyfriend...but I'm not desperate. I won't take the first guy to give me a compliment or say hi. It takes something special for me to connect with them. I need that connection.

I'm not a toy.

I'm not here to be used.

So I build up walls. And only the guy meant for me will be able to tear them completely down. 

I apparently have to wait...something I HATE doing. 

But need to do nonetheless. 

With that tidbit of thought..

Good Night for me! 

What a week

Hey all!
Again, I'm sorry for the lack of regular posts. It's been a crazy week. I've been training one of my friends at work and it's going awesome. Tomorrow is my last day training her and next week she goes on her first solo shift and trains on opening and closing the store with a couple of my co-workers.
Yesterday, Kaiden and I went to the park for about two hours and it was kind of nice until I got tired and my legs started hurting.

I am so looking forward to my vacation in a few weeks. I need the break from work, refresh, and recharge!

Well, that's all I got the energy to write for right now.

As always, thanks for reading!

Sorry

Hey all, sorry about lack of posting.
It's been a very emotional and stressing week. But at least the week is almost done and soon will be my day off on Saturday. I will try to post more the next few days...but if not..don't worry! I'll be back on Saturday for sure! I'll even have interesting stuff for you to read about work and about Asperger's Syndrome.

Hope your week is going better than mine!

Love is CERTAINLY in the air! Except for me.

So, I have had one best friend get engaged some months ago, another best friend also get engaged some time ago, another best friend get married yesterday, and now, a 4th best friend just got engaged last night!


Although I'm VERY much happy for each and every one of them...I still can't help but wonder when will be my turn? I keep being told that my day will come, there's someone out there for me, I just gotta be patient, etc...but none of those reasons give me any sense of contentment, hope. In fact, each and every day, it tears at me a little bit and a little bit more. I can't help but honestly feel that my time will never come.

Honestly. I don't think I'll ever get the chance to live my dream of becoming married, have a man love me, and have more kids...

I just don't understand why I'm not allowed to be loved in that sort of way. :(

Well...
as always, thanks for reading..

hey all. i apologize for the ill punctuation in this post. i am currently posting on my phone and it does not allow me the ability to do such. i came to post because i just wanted to say that i created a new blog just about the detroit red wings. i will post the address for that blog later, or you can just visit my profile and see my new blog there. i hope you all enjoy.

Phenylketonuria Talk

Hey everyone!
As promised, I'm going to post more about Phenylketonuria.
I have already said that PKU is a rare, inherited metabolic disease that someone is born with only if either both parents are carriers (as is the case with my parents) or one of the parents actually have the disease themselves.

Early detection is important, as letting it continue on with no intervention will lead to brain damage. Not to worry, though! Every hospital in the United States is now required to include testing for PKU as part of the newborn screening. A PKU test is done within the first two days of the baby's birth. All that is done is pricking the heel of the baby and collecting some blood samples and sending them off to the laboratory for testing.

PKU is classified in a few different groups. The first group is called Classical PKU. This the most severe and common form of PKU. My brother, Max, belongs as part of this group. Their dietary restrictions are higher than either of the other groups. The second group is called Mild or Moderate PKU. Their dietary restrictions are in the middle range, more than the third group but not as much as the Classical form. The third group is called Benign PKU. My 18 year old sister has a best friend is part of this group, where there is no dietary restrictions, but still have the morphed gene of PKU.

Dietary restrictions are SUPER important. It matters very much how much protein one gets...as a Phenylketonuric does not have the ability to break down protein and Phenylalanine.

I will post more about what types of foods someone with PKU can and can not eat too much of, later.

Below are links to the websites where I got this information. If interested, you can check out more about PKU as well!

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/phenylketonuria/DS00514/DSECTION=tests-and-diagnosis
http://www.npkua.org/index.php/pku-facts

As always, thanks for reading!
<3

Wedding!!!

Hey everyone!
Today is my best friend's wedding!!!!!! :) I'm super excited to see her get married to the love of her and Dallas' life. Today is going to be amazing. :)
Sorry that this post is short, I will be posting more later on today and maybe even add a picture of the bride and groom.!

I hope today finds everybody well!

As always, thanks for reading!
<3

Busy day!

Hey everyone!
Today's been a busy day for me. After having two days off from the gas station...it felt like a Monday to me today. I was very happy to find out that I don't have to work on Sunday so I actually have a FULL weekend off! No place of work is going to find me there before 7:55 am on Monday!
Not to mention, I was "training" a new girl today and all next week. I say "training" because she actually worked at another of our stores before and so it's more of a refreshment for her.

That means that I get to take my VACATION! First week of September, my roomies, my son, and I are going to Great Wolf Lodge, pretty much an indoor water park and hotel. The week after, my manager is taking a vacation and I get to run the store in her absence. HOPEFULLY! Fingers crossed that my district manager lets me?

So yeah, I'm pretty excited.
With my next two days off, I'll be attending one of my best friend's wedding!, and go see my baby cousin again. <3 :)


http://www.nicumomssupport.com/

The above link is to the pre-mentioned best friend's blog! She's all about premature babies, after having her own preemie who I'm proud to call my nephew. :)

And below is a picture of Baby Kaiden. :) My newest little cousin. <3

 

 

This weekend, I will also be posting more about PKU and started posting about Asperger's Syndrome. :)

 

As always, thanks for reading!

<3

Randoms

Hey all!
Today as I was driving, I saw a woman pushing a baby in a stroller almost get hit by a Hummer because the driver was not paying attention to the fact that she had the right of way to cross at the intersection. Thankfully she was paying attention to stop walking when she noticed the driver was going to turn and not wait for them. I didn't hear what the lady was saying, but it was clear by her body language that she was angry. I can't blame her. I'm a other and I would feel the exact same way and tell the driver off as well. It's sad that there are so many drivers such as the person driving that Hummer that do not pay attention to their driving. That's how accidents happen.

On a different subject...how many of you have had some type of experience that you felt was paranormal? I swear that my dad's shop is "haunted." There have been quite a few occurences, like hearing voices and knocking on doors when no one is around, etc. One time, I have even walked into the parts room (located in a corner of the shop) and immediately heard my name whispered very clearly into my ear. It made me stop and look around instinctively.
I bring this up because when I got back to the shop from driving for a part earlier, I walked into the shop and heard what sounded like Joan (my dad's secretary) talking in the parts room. When I walked into the office, however, she was there at her desk...talking to no one. When I asked her about it, she said she hadn't left the office and that she thought she heard ME talking in the shop.
CREEEEEEEEEPY!
Also, as I was taking my short paid break and reading a book, Divergence, I happened to look up at the same time the door opened and no one was there doing it. It had been completely shut and no drafts whatsoever were going through the shop. Sure enough, I was so freaked out that I refused to continue working in the shop, punched out and continued reading until closing.

Now that I'm at home, I can relax and hopefully go to bed early to catch up on sleep. I'm exhausted.

Later!
<3

August 1, 2013

Hello all!
Today started with me actually being very lazy. I slept in, which felt so great, and just laid in bed for another 45 minutes after waking up. I finally got up to get ready for work and dropped my Kaiden off at my parents' house and headed to my dad's shop. It is honestly quite boring here sometimes. It can get kind of lonely. There is my dad's secretary and I enjoy talking with her...but then I never get stuff done. Today, my goal is trying to tackle the task of organizing the parts room, writing orders for parts, labeling more things, and trying to get rid of a mess of filters in the shop area that my dad has been bugging me about for over a month now.

Pretty exciting stuff, yeah?

Part of my job for my dad is to make sure my Grandpa has his pills. Today, I went to go fill a new weeks worth and found him sleeping in bed just a little before 11am. This is kind of unusual for him...and has me a little worried. He is currently in a nursing home since he can't exactly take care of himself entirely. He is one of their most independent residents and does not need much assisting, but needs enough assisting that he can no longer live by himself and take of his own self.

Two years ago, his wife of 50 years passed away. She was wonderful woman! She was very much loved by everyone she has come into contact with. A very Christianly lady who loved everyone and always saw the best in all. Her funeral brought many, many people and I miss her so incredibly much each and everyday. If I miss her this much, I can't imagine how much Grandpa misses her. She was the love of his life.

I could honestly go on and on about my Grandmother and all that she has done...but that will just have to be a post in the future.

She would have turned 80 years old two days ago on July 30.
<3

Later!
<3

Nights when I can't sleep.

Ever have those nights where you are laying in bed trying to sleep...but thoughts keep running through your head and won't shut up so you can get some shut eye? Tonight is one of hose nights. I'll feel so tired but when it comes to actually closing my eyes to fall asleep...I just can't. I have so many things running through my mind. Today was my very rare day off from both jobs in the middle of the week. I was so looking forward to spending much of the day in my room. But that is far from what happened.

Around 8:30am I took my roomie and a best friend to work down the street. Conveniently her work was right next to a Meijer so I figured I would go in and find something to bring my newest baby cousin. Couldn't find anything I really liked in a decent price range, but did run into another best friend. 

(I will explain right now that I do have 6 friends that I consider to be my best!)

Tay and I chatted for a bit as she worked and I finally left her in peace (lol!) and went home to get ready to visit my cousin Alex's new baby boy. Note this now...I leave my house about 10:30am. 

I go to Once Upon A Child and find very cute clothes for baby Kaiden. (First double name in my large family)

I get to the hospital about 11:45ish and stay until about 2:45. I did not want to stop holding the precious little boy. :) 

After the hospital, my dad calls and needs me to run some parts to his mechanic that is about an hour south of us..making it a two hour trip. NOT how I wanted to spend my day off...working. On my trip back, I talked another best friend and she was having trouble being able to get the things she needed for her wedding that is THIS Saturday. (EEK!) :) I spent a few hours with her and did not get back home until a little after 9:30. 

I had a very active day. But I am glad that I got to see some important and wonderful people and speak to two other best friends via phone and texting today as well. All I needed to do was talk to Jackie somehow and I would have talked to each of my best friends all in one day. That, readers, is a rare occurrence. 

Well now that I have been able to vent out some of those racing thoughts...I suppose I should try and get some shut eye. 

Good night, all! 

Thanks for reading.

<3