Monday, July 28, 2014

July 28, 2014

To be quite frankly honest, I have absolutely no idea what's going on with me right now.
Yeah, I'm trying to figure out who I am. Yeah, I have an idea of who I am. Yeah, I get confused about who I am supposed to be.

There is so much that I wanna do, so much that I wanna be, so much expected of me.
I am still trying to figure out what I expect of myself.

Seriously guys, don't mess up college. Because when you finally figure out what you wanna do for sure and how to there...you're gunna be screwed. You're going to wish you took college more seriously. You're gunna wish that you tried harder.
And I mean, that's only if college is the only way to get to where you wanna be.
College isn't made for every job or career.
College isn't made for everyone.
However, in my case, I messed up college and that's what I need to get into the job that I want.

And I gotta learn to let go of things.
I have to let go of some control. Of some pride. Of some expectations.
Right now, I feel like I'm spiraling. The room is spinning and I can't make it stop.
I mean, not seriously literally.
But my point.
Is that I feel so out of control of my life at this point in time.
I feel stuck.
I have to go backwards right now. I feel like all the progression I thought I was making was for nothing. No point to any of it. A waste of my time.

The only solid thing in my life, the only thing that makes sense to me, is my wonderful child.
My amazing baby boy.
He is Mama's rock in a raging storm.
I don't let him see. Very much.
When I do break, he knows the right things to say to heal my heart.
My precious. Bless his own heart.
I have never been so blessed in my life. Being his mother...
Raising him to be the best he can be.
I'm trying.
I'm really trying.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

July 24, 2014

So I've been reminded once again that my blog is getting boring again. Hahah.
Well, not too much as been up with me. Sorta.
I started working at Rally House. So far, it's actually kinda boring because it's a brand new store and not many people know about us yet. I hope the hours start picking up because I need that money. So between working there and Fazoli's, it's keeping me busy.

Although, I did have 3 full days off to get stuff done...the only thing I got done was all my laundry.

I'm supposed to be getting my apartment into shape because my younger sister is coming to live with me!! :) I'm so excited.

She's the one that is married and living in Florida right now.
So that, again, is very exciting and I'm just so happy to be able to spend time with her again!

As weird as it seems, the past few days I have been thinking a lot about myself and what I want.
As much as I would love to be with a guy from church...I just don't think I can.
I can't live up to the kinds of expectations that would be put onto me.

I am me. I can be loud, obnoxious, annoying, I curse, I drink once in a while. I'm not perfect. I love my friends. I want somebody that's almost like me. In that, I mean like he's just not afraid to be himself. While, I still am holding myself back a bit...I'm getting to the point where I just don't care.
Right now, I feel so much closer to finding him than I used to be. Weird as it sounds.
I just feel like, now that I know what kind of guy I want, what kind of person I am...the fact that I don't want to have to change for someone...I want someone who loves me for me.

I'm not skinny. I'm not the tidiest person. I live in a mess about 75% of the time. My car...about 90%. It's who I am. Part of me wants to change, but to change because I want to. Not because someone wants me to.

Sooooo.
Those are the things that have been running through my mind the past few days.
I have to get back to cleaning now!

Sunday, July 13, 2014

July 13, 2014

I cried like a baby.

She was so beautiful. So stunning. So gorgeous.
I couldn't believe that was my cousin Jessie.

Family love.
It's the best.
No matter how much you fight or grow apart.
You still love them.
Cousins are the best.
They are your first friends.

I fortunate enough to grow up in the same part of the city as my cousins. Just a short bike ride away.
I wouldn't trade a single memory for anything in the world.
I want to hold on to those times.
Sometimes, I wish we could just go back and re-live.
Back to simpler times, with no jobs, no bills, no kids...care free life.

Though we can't do that...we should always try to hold onto our memories.
I share DNA with some amazing people, no matter what life throws at each and every one of them.
I love them to no end and will forever.

It was just so good to see family that I don't get to see very much.
I wouldn't have missed Jessica's wedding for anything in the world.

I love you, Jessica and Matt. Matt, take care of her. There's only one person like her.
I wish everlasting love, happiness, and joy in your marriage.
Good luck to everything you two encounter in your future!
<3

Saturday, July 12, 2014

July 12, 2014

Okay, so I know that the day has barely started and that just put a post up a couple of hours ago.
But this one is important to me.

The 90's. My childhood.
They mean sooo much to me.
I wouldn't change a single thing.
Not one little thing.
I loved it.
The 90's just rocked.
The best music. The best TV shows.
Maybe not the best clothes, haha.

What sparked all of this memory trip to my childhood...
One of the closest cousins I had growing up is getting today.
And I just think to myself...where did the time go?!
Seems like just a little bit ago that Jessica and I were spending time with our grandparents. We were probably about Kaiden's age...maybe a little bit older. There was this time we were staying the night and went to a nearby park and fed the ducks. I think one of us was scared to feed them...not sure for certain. I mean, that was almost 20 years ago. (Typing the sentence just made me just shake my head in disbelief that we are getting so old.) That night, we slept in our grandparents' living room. I remember white and a huge grandfather clock.

Jessica used to wear her hair in pigtails.
I wore my hair in a ponytail.
She's the closest cousin I have to my age.

Then as we got older, two of our cousins, her, and I used to make up dances to Spice Girls.

There is just so much.

I regret that we grew apart during our teen years and young adult life.

Even if we aren't close anymore...I can't wait to see her and family on her amazing day.

She will look so beautiful. :)

I love you, Jessie! <3

Friday, July 11, 2014

July 11, 2014

#VentPost

Being still new at Fazoli's, I am certainly no master at drive-thru.
But I mean honestly...it's not hard to provide great customer service at the window.

Last night and tonight when I went through the Wendy's across the street from where I live, I had very poor customer service.
Tonight, I didn't stay. She was rude from the get-go and I didn't appreciate it one bit so I left and went to McDonald's instead. Honestly, I was just getting drinks for my son and I. We were thirsty and had nothing in my house to drink except tap water and that's just gross.

When working drive-thru:
-Welcome them to or thank them for choosing your restaurant. I say, "Thank you for choosing Fazoli's, what can I get for ya?"
-When they are done placing their order, repeat the order back to them to make sure you got their order the exact way they wanted. If all is okay, tell them their total. I say, "So that's one baked spaghetti combo with a side salad with ranch dressing, a small coke. That will come with two breadsticks, does that sound correct to you? (wait for reply) That will be $10.71 (or something) at the window. (In an upbeat tone of voice)
-If they are paying with a credit/debit card, ask if they want their receipt.
-Hand them their order as promptly and careful as you can.
-Be courteous and tell them to have a good day.

Like I said, I'm certainly not a master at it. I stumble with my words at times, I'm not always completely knowledgable about everything on our menu, and I still need help at times.
But I do make sure that I provide the best customer service that I can.

So now, my expectations for all the drive-thrus I go through are very much heightened.
Most customers love when you provide excellent customer service.
If you can't wait on me with a smile, maybe you should think about a different line of work.
Don't make it obvious that you hate your job.

#VentOver

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

July 8, 2014

It's that time again where I get jealous of all the couples out there.
I mean, I know not all relationships are all fun and games...but I can't help but be jealous when I have no one like that.

Before you all start...I know I'm not "alone."
I know I have Kaiden.
I'm sick of hearing that over and over.
"You aren't alone. You have Kaiden. You don't need a man."

For one, Kaiden is my son. The love of a child is the best but it doesn't cover everything. Seriously think about that.
For two, just because I'm a mother without the father of my child means that I don't deserve anyone? Really?
For three, I know I don't need a man. I want one. I want my soul mate. I want to be loved romantically...I want to mean something to someone like that.

Hey, I'm human.
Just because I am supermom sometimes doesn't mean I don't want someone.

It's the season for marriages and babies and fun relationships.

Where's my forever?

How much can I really take?

When will I finally have what I feel is missing in Kaiden's and mine lives?

Monday, July 7, 2014

July 7, 2014

Soooo.

Last night, here in West Michigan, there was an EF-1 tornado.
Tornadoes are not common for Michigan, so I'm sure that most people forgot what to do in the case of a tornado. I mean, I'm seeing people complaining right and left on Facebook about how there were no sirens.

Hmm.

Do you really need a siren to tell you, "Hey...this weather is a little whack?"
I mean, come on. This is Michigan. Michigan weather is always so unpredictable and ever-changing.
When there is a severe thunderstorm...there is always the chance of tornadoes. Just because it is not common for Michigan to have a tornado doesn't mean it can't happen.

Be alert in a severe thunderstorm.
Watch for the signs.
If it doesn't sound or look right outside, chances are that it's not.

I mean, common sense.
Don't depend on technology all the time! Use your brains once in a while! It's honestly really not that hard.

#VentOver


Saturday, July 5, 2014

July 5, 2014

I hope everybody enjoyed their 4th of July!

I had a pretty good day for the most part.
In the morning, my family and I walked in the parade with our church. My dad was the one that pulled the float with the band, my mom rode with him, my son rode his bike, and my sister, brother, and I threw the candy. It was a lot of fun, but a long walk during the parade then back to my parents house which was near where the parade started.
So my legs hurt so bad yesterday and today.
After the parade, my siblings, son, and I went swimming for a bit and my son got to show off his awesome swimming skills! I was so amazed at what just one week of swimming lessons did for him. He can go under water and swim, do cannonballs and swim right back to the ladder, and he doesn't even need to plug his nose like I have to! Haha.
When we were done with swimming, we had lunch and watched Ghost Adventures.
Kaiden took a nap, then later on I ended up taking a nap until my dad woke me up to go get my grandpa.

It was a pretty fun day for us.
However, on the way to bring my grandpa back home, we saw what was a fatal accident. A major intersection was blocked off. When we got back into town after dropping him off, we had to pass the accident and it was just terrible! Car debris everywhere and a motorcycle with a white sheet over it. That's never a good sign.

I just really don't understand why people can not be careful while driving or riding a motorcycle! There's not much information on it, since news outlets around were too busy talking about fireworks going on all around. Still not much information on it this morning except that the motorcyclist was 22 and a pick-up truck collided with it. The motorcyclist was, in fact, pronounced dead at the scene and no alcohol has been indicated to be a factor.

Honestly. Again, people, BE CAREFUL WHEN DRIVING!

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

July 2, 2014

I wasn't planning on posting today, but I feel the need to express my feelings and opinions about something.

Be careful when driving!! Honestly, it really isn't that hard to drive safely.
I used to be a speed demon, going no less than ten over the speed limit.
I admit, if it wasn't for the condition my car is in, I still may. But I have slowed down on my driving and glad I did.

Today, one of my best friends was walking to work like she normally does. She waited until she had the right of way and the light to cross at the intersection, but when she did, a driver decided they needed to turn and rode her butt as she walked. When there was enough room for the car to continue on, the driver got the lead out.
THANKFULLY there was a sheriff that saw the whole thing and pulled that person over.

If a pedestrian has the right of way, let that person go!
Yeah, you may get impatient and mutter to yourself for that person to hurry up so that you can go...and I am guilty of feeling that way from time to time, but there is no place that you need to get to so fast that you can't wait just 30 seconds. It's better to wait 30 seconds or a minute or however long it takes for that person to cross than to hit that person and injure or kill them. I guarantee you it would cost more than just one minute of your time. It would cost you many minutes, much money in fines, and possibly jail time.

Also what happened today that made me really want to write this post was a fatal accident in front of my work.

I was on my way to my first delivery when I got stuck in a line of cars that couldn't get out because the accident was right in front of the drive. It took a bit, but when I was finally able to get on the road, I seen an older gentlemen on the road and they were giving him CPR. He had been a motorized wheelchair. I knew it couldn't be good if they were doing CPR.
When I got back from my delivery, I seen the ambulance just sitting in the parking lot with the lights off and the road (which is a major busy main street) taped off. I was able to get into the parking lot and into the store. One of my co-workers went to go find out what had happened and when he came back in, his face was grim.
A man in a big black truck was turning and hadn't seen the man and ran him completely over.
The man did stop at the scene, he didn't even try to leave, and he cooperated with the authorities. Eventually he did have to leave in a cop car, but they brought him back later on in the night.

This older gentleman. He was trying to cross a very busy street at rush hour without being at a crosswalk. I'm not blaming the old man at all...but he wasn't very smart in his choice of area to cross. Especially when there was a light and crosswalk just a block or so down, if that. He could have crossed in a safer manner there. I remember seeing him many times and from my experience with him, I have almost hit him on a few occasions and so has another co-worker of mine. He doesn't look before crossing when he doesn't have the right of way.

The guy in the truck. He should have double checked before turning. He should have been aware of all of his surroundings before continuing on. Just because there is no crosswalk there doesn't mean some pedestrians won't try to cross, just like the old gentleman tried.

I feel bad for both parties.
I don't like hearing about deaths, especially when they could have been avoided.
My prayers and thoughts are with the gentleman's family.
But my prayers and thoughts are with the man in the truck, as well.
I'm quite sure he did not intend to kill anybody today.
I can't imagine how anybody involved feels.

So the main focus of this post:

Pay attention to your surroundings while driving! 

That is something I even need help with doing, as I tend to become unfocused one way or another at times.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

July 1, 2014

Hey, it's JULY!
I'm kind of excited but also not really.
July is one of my favorite months.
There's July 4th, my grandma's birthday, and the middle of summer!
The middle of the summer months can be a bad thing, too. It means the summer is going by too fast.
:(

It also means closer to one of my best friend's moving across country.
Closer to my son being in KINDERGARTEN.
Those things I am just not ready to accept yet.

Today was sad at work.
It was the last time I would be working with one of the best managers I have had. He's one of my favorites and definitely going to be missed around Fazoli's. However, he is off to a big boy job and doing what is best for his life, so I really can't blame him too much.

Here is a picture of the morning crew for today, minus Karen.

 
 
I am the one in the green shirt.
It can be fun there sometimes. :)
 
I'm really nervous about tomorrow.
I don't want to really say exactly why yet. I don't want to "jinx" anything, haha. Only a few people know right now. But I promise I will post more about it when it is all said and done. :)
 
 
Well, other than above, I don't really have much to say. It's been pretty uneventful for the most part.
Hope everyone has a good night. :)