So today I was reminded that I haven't done a blog post in a while.
;)
I agreed so here I am, updating!
As of this past Saturday, I am officially done with the gas station job. It was a pretty good day. I worked with one of my favorite co-workers and didn't have very rude customers. My manager had even came by and brought me a gift bag full of little goodies. After 3 years of working for her, she tends to know me well. :)
Handing her my keys and walking out of there that day just felt so weird. It was very much needed.
I will miss my co-workers and I will miss my regular customers that I got to know very well.
This is for the best though.
It still hasn't fully hit. It will, but maybe not this week or next week...maybe after that.
Today was a great day.
Work just went pretty good. To avoid sounding cheesy, it felt unified with my co-workers. Not that it made that sentence sound any better. But it felt great there. I learned something new today. DRIVE THRU!
Even with the little part where it was crazy busy and I couldn't keep my head on, I like it.
I want to learn everything there. I don't like not knowing how to do something.
I'm used to knowing how to do everything.
That's just part of who I am.
After work, Steph and I went to do some errands, pick up my child, grabbed dinner, then watched a couple of our favorite TV shows that she already saw but I didn't.
She doesn't spoil any endings for me, no matter how much I bug her about them. ;)
So that's pretty much it for my day. Besides having the last day at the gas station, not much exciting has happened.
Well, this is it for tonight. I have a headache that is hurting more than it should and a child who won't calm down. =\
Goodnight!
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Monday, June 16, 2014
June 16, 2014
Today just wasn't my best.
I have come to admitting to myself that I like to run away from my problems.
I don't like to face them head-on.
I like to avoid them altogether.
I actually really hate confrontation.
I don't like to deal with anything that causes me worry or stress, so I push it all back and to the side and just don't deal with it.
That just causes the problems to get bigger and bigger.
About 98% of my stresses are money related.
I feel like everybody wants money out of me at once.
I absolutely hate living paycheck to paycheck.
But that's what I got to do.
I honestly owe quite a bit to various different people, I'm struggling to keeping a roof over my head every month.
I hate talking to people, afraid of their responses...but I did with my apartment office, and thankfully they are understanding and willing to work with me and that's one stress off my shoulder.
Take one off and add a few more.
Seems like it's the story of my life.
I keep having this annoying, turning of stomach feeling and I hate it.
I don't want to be irritable.
All this stuff right now just makes me want to move away. But I know that doesn't solve anything.
And I really don't want to uproot my son again- after taking him away from his friends at his old daycare and him just making new friends at his new daycare.
I just gotta deal with this head-on.
The only way to get rid of all these problems.
I can't run away anymore.
That's just not how life works.
I have come to admitting to myself that I like to run away from my problems.
I don't like to face them head-on.
I like to avoid them altogether.
I actually really hate confrontation.
I don't like to deal with anything that causes me worry or stress, so I push it all back and to the side and just don't deal with it.
That just causes the problems to get bigger and bigger.
About 98% of my stresses are money related.
I feel like everybody wants money out of me at once.
I absolutely hate living paycheck to paycheck.
But that's what I got to do.
I honestly owe quite a bit to various different people, I'm struggling to keeping a roof over my head every month.
I hate talking to people, afraid of their responses...but I did with my apartment office, and thankfully they are understanding and willing to work with me and that's one stress off my shoulder.
Take one off and add a few more.
Seems like it's the story of my life.
I keep having this annoying, turning of stomach feeling and I hate it.
I don't want to be irritable.
All this stuff right now just makes me want to move away. But I know that doesn't solve anything.
And I really don't want to uproot my son again- after taking him away from his friends at his old daycare and him just making new friends at his new daycare.
I just gotta deal with this head-on.
The only way to get rid of all these problems.
I can't run away anymore.
That's just not how life works.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
June 11, 2014
Who I am hates who I've been.
It's a Relient K song, but it really fits. Certain parts of the song just fit so perfectly well in my life right now.
"Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it. See that line? I never should have crossed it."
"I'm sorry for the person I became. I'm sorry that it took too long for me to change. I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again, 'cause who I am hates who I've been."
"I talk to absolutely no one. Couldn't keep to myself enough, and the things bottled inside have finally begun to create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up."
"And I was positive that unless I got myself together, I would watch me fall apart."
Pressing On
Another Relient K song that is really fitting into my life now.
"Somewhere back there, I left my worries all behind. My problems fell out of the back of my mind."
"Pressing on, all my distress is just going, going, gone. And I won't sit back, and take this anymore. 'Cause I'm done with that, I've got one foot out the door, and to go back to where I was would just be wrong. I'm pressing on."
Who am I? Who was I?
I don't even know sometimes.
I don't even know who I want to be.
I feel I got lost along the way of growing up fast after having my son...I was never able to go through that "find myself" stage.
I'm kind of figuring it out, knowing my boundaries on certain things, knowing how much of something I can take.
One thing I know for sure of, who my best friends are. There is no doubt about it. I love my girls so much! They are all uniquely different from each other...each bring a certain and different part of me out.
There is only one friend who lives really close to me now, in fact I work with her now.
I have a best friend who lives about 20 minutes away to the East, 30 minutes away to the West, 45-1 hour South of me, and one that is about 1 1/2 North.
Then this fall, the one who is closest will be moving MILES AND HOURS away. :(
I'm going to miss her like crazy. I miss the ones I don't see all the time...I wish I had the gas money to see them whenever I wanted..
I need my ladies.
More than they really know.
They are my sanity.
Without them, I really would not be as far as I am today.
The ups, the downs.
Altogether.
Them and Kaiden. My sisters and brother.
My life. <3
It's a Relient K song, but it really fits. Certain parts of the song just fit so perfectly well in my life right now.
"Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it. See that line? I never should have crossed it."
"I'm sorry for the person I became. I'm sorry that it took too long for me to change. I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again, 'cause who I am hates who I've been."
"I talk to absolutely no one. Couldn't keep to myself enough, and the things bottled inside have finally begun to create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up."
"And I was positive that unless I got myself together, I would watch me fall apart."
Pressing On
Another Relient K song that is really fitting into my life now.
"Somewhere back there, I left my worries all behind. My problems fell out of the back of my mind."
"Pressing on, all my distress is just going, going, gone. And I won't sit back, and take this anymore. 'Cause I'm done with that, I've got one foot out the door, and to go back to where I was would just be wrong. I'm pressing on."
Who am I? Who was I?
I don't even know sometimes.
I don't even know who I want to be.
I feel I got lost along the way of growing up fast after having my son...I was never able to go through that "find myself" stage.
I'm kind of figuring it out, knowing my boundaries on certain things, knowing how much of something I can take.
One thing I know for sure of, who my best friends are. There is no doubt about it. I love my girls so much! They are all uniquely different from each other...each bring a certain and different part of me out.
There is only one friend who lives really close to me now, in fact I work with her now.
I have a best friend who lives about 20 minutes away to the East, 30 minutes away to the West, 45-1 hour South of me, and one that is about 1 1/2 North.
Then this fall, the one who is closest will be moving MILES AND HOURS away. :(
I'm going to miss her like crazy. I miss the ones I don't see all the time...I wish I had the gas money to see them whenever I wanted..
I need my ladies.
More than they really know.
They are my sanity.
Without them, I really would not be as far as I am today.
The ups, the downs.
Altogether.
Them and Kaiden. My sisters and brother.
My life. <3
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
June 3, 2014
So I realize that people go to work for a paycheck, not for friends.
It's even better when you make friends with your coworkers and have fun at work.
But when those "friends" turn around and backstab you and throw you under the bus because they don't want to take any responsibility for their own actions.
So this is my peace out to you.
I have coworkers at other places that I know don't like me, and better yet, they don't pretend to. And that's just perfectly fine.
I haven't quite fully grasped at the concept that I will be leaving a place that I worked hard at for three years, yet. It's going to hit more when I write the letter, then hand it in tomorrow.
But I can't keep going with that stupid drama high school crap anymore.
It's getting old.
If it ain't one damn thing, it's another.
This time I'm getting the blame for it.
Not anymore.
I can't deal with it anymore.
My life has been hell the past couple of weeks.
So I have an off week and a couple of people get offended and freak out about it.
I want to say screw you.
But I won't.
God works in very mysterious ways sometimes.
He has shown me that in the past few weeks.
He knew I wanted my son out of his daycare. He allowed a certain situation to occur which ultimately led to me finding a new daycare that better suited my son's needs.
He knew I wanted to get out of the gas station. He allowed a certain situation to occur which ultimately led me to finding the strength to leave.
Sometimes the ways He works make sense, sometimes they don't. Sometimes they are harsh, sometimes they are easy.
Just gotta look beyond that and realize, Wow. My God is such an awesome God. There is absolutely nothing that He cannot handle. He is so great beyond words. He is bigger than anything in the world. And He has my back. That's a very wonderful thing.
I just gotta trust in Him!!
The timing may not be the best in my eyes, but His timing is ALWAYS perfect.
Just gotta believe. :)
So here's to moving on to bigger and better things.
<3
It's even better when you make friends with your coworkers and have fun at work.
But when those "friends" turn around and backstab you and throw you under the bus because they don't want to take any responsibility for their own actions.
So this is my peace out to you.
I have coworkers at other places that I know don't like me, and better yet, they don't pretend to. And that's just perfectly fine.
I haven't quite fully grasped at the concept that I will be leaving a place that I worked hard at for three years, yet. It's going to hit more when I write the letter, then hand it in tomorrow.
But I can't keep going with that stupid drama high school crap anymore.
It's getting old.
If it ain't one damn thing, it's another.
This time I'm getting the blame for it.
Not anymore.
I can't deal with it anymore.
My life has been hell the past couple of weeks.
So I have an off week and a couple of people get offended and freak out about it.
I want to say screw you.
But I won't.
God works in very mysterious ways sometimes.
He has shown me that in the past few weeks.
He knew I wanted my son out of his daycare. He allowed a certain situation to occur which ultimately led to me finding a new daycare that better suited my son's needs.
He knew I wanted to get out of the gas station. He allowed a certain situation to occur which ultimately led me to finding the strength to leave.
Sometimes the ways He works make sense, sometimes they don't. Sometimes they are harsh, sometimes they are easy.
Just gotta look beyond that and realize, Wow. My God is such an awesome God. There is absolutely nothing that He cannot handle. He is so great beyond words. He is bigger than anything in the world. And He has my back. That's a very wonderful thing.
I just gotta trust in Him!!
The timing may not be the best in my eyes, but His timing is ALWAYS perfect.
Just gotta believe. :)
So here's to moving on to bigger and better things.
<3
Monday, June 2, 2014
June 2, 2014
So I have seen one of those things that's like, if you were born on this day then this describes who you are, or some stuff like that.
Some of them are just crap and so way off. But then there are some that are so true that it is freaky.
This one was for the most part pretty true.
I am:
Hard hearted
Selfish most of the times
Religious
Loves to climb up in my life.
I do tend to have a lot of problems within my family and I will put up with everything.
I don't agree that I have the strong word power or a pretty happy face. In fact, a lot of people tell me that I need to smile more.
I hardly ever get what I want.
I have always wanted to work hard to achieve something, but right now, I don't feel like working hard. When I feel rested, I do want to work hard.
I do want younger people to listen to me because I do want younger ones to respect those older than them. That is very rare nowadays.
I do set examples for others in certain areas of my life, but not all.
I really am not a cool person and it actually is hard dealing with me. I am a tough player, but once I like someone's attitude, it really is like a spark in a sudden friendship.
I don't feel that I will always have respect from others because of the fact that I am kind of hard to get along with in the beginning and sometimes even years later.
My life does seem to have a lot of worries and problems, but apparently they aren't for long.
Apparently, I will always have brilliant kids. And I mean, Kaiden is pretty damn smart for his age. :)
I actually do love the money a little bit too much and the temptation does push me to endless trying and trying because I can't seem to just stop spending what I can't afford to.
I mean, I feel like for the most part it really does fit who I am.
Just a bit more of an insight into my soul.
Some of them are just crap and so way off. But then there are some that are so true that it is freaky.
This one was for the most part pretty true.
I am:
Hard hearted
Selfish most of the times
Religious
Loves to climb up in my life.
I do tend to have a lot of problems within my family and I will put up with everything.
I don't agree that I have the strong word power or a pretty happy face. In fact, a lot of people tell me that I need to smile more.
I hardly ever get what I want.
I have always wanted to work hard to achieve something, but right now, I don't feel like working hard. When I feel rested, I do want to work hard.
I do want younger people to listen to me because I do want younger ones to respect those older than them. That is very rare nowadays.
I do set examples for others in certain areas of my life, but not all.
I really am not a cool person and it actually is hard dealing with me. I am a tough player, but once I like someone's attitude, it really is like a spark in a sudden friendship.
I don't feel that I will always have respect from others because of the fact that I am kind of hard to get along with in the beginning and sometimes even years later.
My life does seem to have a lot of worries and problems, but apparently they aren't for long.
Apparently, I will always have brilliant kids. And I mean, Kaiden is pretty damn smart for his age. :)
I actually do love the money a little bit too much and the temptation does push me to endless trying and trying because I can't seem to just stop spending what I can't afford to.
I mean, I feel like for the most part it really does fit who I am.
Just a bit more of an insight into my soul.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
June 1, 2014
SUMMER!
Honestly, I love being outside in the summer.
Soaking up those sun rays.
Yesterday, I took my son, sister, and brother to a beach near by and it was so much fun that I wanted to go back today. However, it costs money and it just wouldn't have been a good idea with how much everything would have cost me in the end.
So we just went to a nearby splash pad and had fun there instead. Then we went back to my parents house and ran through the sprinkler. After a while, I stopped at sat on my parents' porch swing while my brother and son ran through it.
My legs look kind of striped.
I wore shorts at first, then changed into my workout capris. So there's the burn from the shorts, then from wearing the capris.
It's kinda funny but hurts just a tad.
So I had another damn boyfriend dream, but more.
I was actually married at this point and pregnant (I just now remembered that part.)
He was a Red Wings players.
Last name was Wiggins.
I don't know who that is.
But I think it's weird that a last name was actually shown.
Not that I'm like putting all my hopes into finding a Wiggins.
The hockey player part I liked though.
But then there was this other girl who was like trying to be in the marriage and trying to decide what name we should name our baby and I'm just seriously like back the heck off.
But it was just a dream.
I wanna meet my one and only soulmate.
I wanna be loved like that.
I wanna be wanted and cherished like that.
I know God has a certain plan for me.
I know He has someone out there for me.
I just have to be patient and trust that He will reveal His plan when He decides it is time.
Soooo.
These torture dreams are just gonna keep coming.
=\
Honestly, I love being outside in the summer.
Soaking up those sun rays.
Yesterday, I took my son, sister, and brother to a beach near by and it was so much fun that I wanted to go back today. However, it costs money and it just wouldn't have been a good idea with how much everything would have cost me in the end.
So we just went to a nearby splash pad and had fun there instead. Then we went back to my parents house and ran through the sprinkler. After a while, I stopped at sat on my parents' porch swing while my brother and son ran through it.
My legs look kind of striped.
I wore shorts at first, then changed into my workout capris. So there's the burn from the shorts, then from wearing the capris.
It's kinda funny but hurts just a tad.
So I had another damn boyfriend dream, but more.
I was actually married at this point and pregnant (I just now remembered that part.)
He was a Red Wings players.
Last name was Wiggins.
I don't know who that is.
But I think it's weird that a last name was actually shown.
Not that I'm like putting all my hopes into finding a Wiggins.
The hockey player part I liked though.
But then there was this other girl who was like trying to be in the marriage and trying to decide what name we should name our baby and I'm just seriously like back the heck off.
But it was just a dream.
I wanna meet my one and only soulmate.
I wanna be loved like that.
I wanna be wanted and cherished like that.
I know God has a certain plan for me.
I know He has someone out there for me.
I just have to be patient and trust that He will reveal His plan when He decides it is time.
Soooo.
These torture dreams are just gonna keep coming.
=\
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