October 31, 2014

So this is a ranting post.
I'm flustered with the whole thing.

How are you going to pick a manipulative and lying person over your own son.
What does that say about you?
You want to blame me for you not seeing him.
You can only blame yourself.
I chose to stop fighting and be friends. And I told you from the get that if things get hostile, you were going to be blocked and definitely out of Kaiden's life until he is 18.
You think I was kidding?!
You think that I was so stupid to just let you do whatever you want?
Excuse you.
My son deserves a hell of a lot better than you could ever give him.
I gave you a chance against my better judgement.
I should have listened to my head and my gut.
But I allowed it because Kaiden was started to ask about you.
But this, this is so stupid.
You are almost 25 fricken years old.
My 16 year old sister is more mature than you.
Grow up, get a job, get a real life, do something! Take care of your responsibilities.
Be an adult.
Not a little kid.
Kaiden needs a dad, not a big brother, not a friend, not another kid to play with. He doesn't need any of those from you.

I say the same thing over and over and over to you and you just don't listen.
So, bye!

Kaiden will have someone better in his life...better than you will ever be.

October 24, 2014

Obviously it's been a while since I updated.
Things haven't been like overly exciting...but some things have changed that were pretty big.

I have been officially certified and have done a couple of morning shifts on my own. Monday night is my first closing shift with no manager closing with me. So I'm pretty excited for that.
Financially I am in a better place than I have been in such a while.

The other big thing is that my son's father and I are no longer fighting.
It doesn't mean that he just gets to suddenly see Kaiden whenever he wants...I still have to be able to trust him first to even stay in Kaiden's life once Kaiden is introduced to him. He will be able to see Kaiden, but won't be able to take Kaiden without me there for quite the long time yet.
One step at a time.
It's working pretty well right now.
We are talking and I'm giving him advice on certain things and he even admitted that I'm the evil bitch he thought I was.
I am even talking friendly with his girlfriend. :)
It just feels so good not to have that bitterness anymore.

Now, my parents seem to think that just because him and I are talking on friendly terms that I'm trying to be with him.
Like, where do you even get that idea?! Just because I'm sick of the bitterness, sick of the fighting?!
It's irritating. Can I not have a friendship with the father of my child without getting with him? Yes, I absolutely can.

Speaking of being with someone.
Tonight, I was at the wedding of one of our associate pastors at my church and the daughter of Pastor Gary, and it got me thinking about my wedding some day. I have a lot of plans already started.
But that's getting ahead of myself.
First, I kinda need a man for that wedding I'm thinking about.

And for once, I'm actually waiting on God's time instead of worrying about it. Although, I do feel like it will happen soon, which is a different feeling than a year or so ago.
He will be the perfect guy for me.
He will make me laugh, make me smile, will probably make me cry sometimes. He will love my son like his own. He will be so comfortable with himself that he doesn't care what anybody says about him. He won't be so judgemental, he will love everyone and everything and see the best in anybody.
There are so many things.
And of course, he will be a lover of the most favorite sport ever, HOCKEY. He doesn't necessarily have to be a Red Wings fan.

Someday.

<3

October 9, 2014

So I have to be completely honest.

I am actually almost loving my life right now.
No lie.
Yes, it's super frustrating at times. Like tonight, I was so frustrated with a few things that I just wanted to cry.
But listening to the Red Wings kick Boston in the face just made it all better.

I have absolutely amazing sister friends. I have a great family-- parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts/uncles/cousins, etc. My son is the absolute most wonderful blessing my life! I have a solid full time job. I'm ahead on rent, with my sister's help. Hockey is back!

I like most of my co-workers- all of the managers and most of the associate.

Yeah, there are going to be bad days.

But for once, I don't feel like I need to keep searching for anything.
Sure, I want to get married....but if it's in God's will for me, it will happen and it will happen on His time. But really, I'm actually content.

I've found myself to be happier than I was a year ago. I credit this to acceptance of things I hadn't before, my family and friends, and having just one job instead of 2 or 3.
I actually have some time to myself, yet still have the time to make money, yet still have time to spend with my child. Something that I really never had.


I honestly can't find anything that would be worth it to complain about.
Even on the toughest days...a night cuddling with my child cures all. <3


Did I mention hockey is back?! ;)