May 29, 2014

Today was simply NOT my best.
To say the very least.
I need to remind myself that I am absolutely not superwoman.
I have my breaking point, too.
Of which I have hit at least 5 times today.

Tonight was just made better by watching some hockey with my dad.
I mean, hockey just makes me feel better.
Which is kind of funny because hockey sends me through so many different emotions.
But it makes me feel better when I watch it.
I mean, the Rangers (who are now my second favorite team, been wanting them to win since the Wings were knocked out of the playoffs) just won the Eastern Conference Championship and are onto the Stanley Cup Finals! They haven't won the Cup since the 1940's.
So they are overdue for one I say and they have proven they want it! I mean, they just beat the team that beat the best team in the whole league.
They haven't been in the Final since 1993-1994.
So.
I say they are well deserving of the Cup.
My dad thinks that Hawks will repeat.
Nobody has been repeat champs since the Wings in 1996 and 1997. Sooo.

Now that happened.
Now I can sleep and end this horrendous, stressful, nerve-breaking day.
Rest up for a new day tomorrow. A new better day.

Sorry for the short post, but my son is asleep earlier than lately and I need to take advantage of it.

Good night!

May 27, 2014

Talking about feeling old the other day...

My baby brother turned 14 years old today.
My niece turned 3 yesterday.
My son turned 5 earlier this month.

These kids.
They need to stop growing.

On a different note.
I wish I could start writing again.
I wish I could go back to school again.
I wish a lot of things that may or may not come true.
I wish I could have just one full time job that would pay all my bills and give me spending money.
I wish I could meet the love of my life and expand my family.
I wish my son could have a great father figure in his life...or have his father grow up and accept responsibility.
I wish I had an actual house, not a stupid apartment with no yard to do anything in.



Ohh, when there is a commercial about hockey and the small print at the bottom has to say, "You are not TJ Oshie."
Ohhh darn.
I thought I was.

I mean, I absolutely love hockey.
Not just the Red Wings.
Hockey.
Right now, the Rangers are my second favorite team.
They are leading their series.
Watching their game right now.

This is exactly how my mind works.
Jump from one subject to another and go into more detail than needed.
I sometimes like to paint a picture for those that can't see what I'm saying.

Good night.

May 24, 2014.

*Sigh*

I am beyond exhausted.
Like, I could barely keep my eyes open at work this morning. I may or may not have even leaned on the register and closed my eyes.
By the time Missy came to relieve my shift, I was a little more energetic.
Went home to change and bring my sister home, then went to Jimmy John's and got my check and sandwiches for my friend and I, then went to her house and sat outside talking while the kids were playing. After we left her house, we picked up my brother then went driving for a bit and ended up at a park for the second day in a row. It has a splash pad that had water going and made me wish the weather was warmer so that it would feel better.

Yes, I am quite weird. I absolutely loveeee hot weather. I hate feeling cold or chilly.
I would rather sweat than freeze. But would rather freeze to death than burn to death. Doesn't make sense, right?

Can it be June 1st yet? I'm beyond exhausted and that is my first day off in over a month.
I mean, the paychecks will be completely worth it and help a lot.

Then it could be June 6, Kaiden's last day at his stupid daycare.
Then it could be June 9, Kaiden's first day at his new daycare. :)

I'm so excited to have him at his new daycare. When I'm working at Fazoli's, I can literally look right out the drive-thru window and see his daycare. He will be just a walk away and it will be so comforting.
We had a tour yesterday and Kaiden loved it.
Biggest pluses: Cheaper than what I am paying now, lunch is included, and there are bathrooms IN the classroom.

So, I'm pretty excited for him to start there.

Well, the movie is almost done and I'm going to bed, so here's the end of this post.
Have a good night everybody.

May 22, 2014.

I absolutely DARE anybody to mess with me.
I absolutely DARE anybody to mess with me and include my child.
I absolutely DARE anybody to mess with me and use my child to do so.

I can promise you that it will not be pretty in any way, shape, or form.

There are a few things I take seriously in life and the top two:
First and foremost: My amazingly beautiful child.
Second: My hard-earned money.

Nobody wants to mess with either and/or both.
Especially both.

I was just about to type that I pray for the Lord to protect you if you ever do...but I really don't.
I will raise hell if I feel like my child is being treated wrong.
Treat me wrong, I usually brush it off to a point.
But bring my child in, say untrue things about him, and use him to get more money out of me.
My money that I already don't have because you have 90% of it.
Now you want 100+%?

I don't mother fucking think so.

That's not going to fly with me.

You wanted to start a war.
You have one.

I have handed this over to God and he will reveal the truth.

May 21, 2014.

So when I'm tired, I get annoying.
I get that.
When I'm excited about something, sometimes I'm over excited and I get annoying.
I get that.

Not that anyone has ever said anything..
Sometimes they don't have to.
Sometimes I can just tell.

I'm more in tune with other people's emotions...more than anybody really realizes.
I know when someone is even slightly irritated with me.
It could be just an extra twitch, a slight movement, a slight huff, the slight change of tone.
I catch on to those things very, very well, even if they don't think I do.
I'm not stupid.

Sometimes I don't know when to shut my mouth.
Sometimes I try too hard to be included.
Sometimes I feel replaced.

I get pretty jealous at some people.
I'm not perfect in any way, shape, or form.

Honestly, I could just be overthinking every move made these past two days by everyone...
I'm running on very little sleep, very little rest.
I don't feel like myself.
What I said about how I am stands. I do notice the littlest things and really do take them hard to the heart.
I don't know who would actually be able to understand that part in me.
Don't ask me why I feel the way I feel at times...because about 99% of the time, I would tell you that I don't even know.

And now I'm tearing up and my eyes are burning because of this stupid cheap makeup that is the only kind I can afford to buy right now.

It's been a pain in the ass Wednesday...most people I have come across today have been ruder than absolutely rude.

Hope everyone is having a better day.

May 20, 2014

So, I took this quiz online that asks "What Is Your Brain Good At?"
Answered the series of questions and got this for an answer.

You are best at

Thinking About Emotions

People are your first concern, whether you’re reflecting on yourself and your own behaviour or thinking about that of others. You easily understand that others have different perspectives. You consciously try to change your own behaviour for the better and maintaining strong and healthy relationships with everyone around you is very important to you.

 

 

And it really does sounds like me to a T.
Especially with today. I have just been going through so many emotions.
I'm tired. No, exhausted.
These long days are absolutely no joke with me.
Thankfully, I have an awesome co-worker at Jimmy John's who is taking my shift tomorrow and possibly on Thursday. Sure, I lose out of those hours but really it's not much and I'm gaining more through my other two jobs to make up for it.
Next week is not so bad.
I think.
I don't even remember right now.
I'm that tired.
But I just bought the Lego Movie through Comcast that we can play on either TV. It's one of Kaiden's favorite movies and was on sale for $10 that just gets added to my bill and is available a couple of weeks before it comes out at full price on DVD.
So, why not.
The movie is almost done, then we going to bed because my eyes just can not take anymore.

I hope everyone has a good night and day tomorrow.

May 19, 2014

I feel old.

My baby brother is going to be 14 a week from tomorrow.
One of my best friend's youngest brother is now in his 20's and has a child.
The same friend's oldest nephew is turning 15 this year and I have known that boy since he was a toddler!
MY own child is 5.
FIVE.

That means that in 9 days, it will have been FIVE years since I graduated high school.
I'm only going to be 24 this year, but I feel old.
I know it's all a part of growing up.
You grow up and then you see the people younger than you grow up.
My younger sister is married.
She is 19.
My cousin is getting married.
She's 23.
My best friend is married.
She's 22.

I just can't believe that I'm at that age where my peers are getting engaged and married and having kids.
I accept it.
It just makes me feel old.

May 18, 2014.

By the end of two weeks from now, I would have worked a month without a day off.
The hardest is actually these next two weeks when my gas station manager is on vacation for a surgery and recovery. I am taking her early hours and will be pulling a few 14 hour days between all three jobs.
But, I need to do this.

Fazoli's is getting better for me.
My first night was on their busiest night of the year and the managers were all too busy to train. I understood that, but the way one of them was making me feel was just ridiculous. Yes, too busy to train, but please don't make me feel in the way. Obviously if it's my first day, I know absolutely nothing about how things are done there. I spent pretty much what felt like 2-3 hours doing dishes.
Bending over for that long hurt my back. Having an epidural when I was in labor with my son has had lasting effects in my lower back and really doesn't take that much to get the pain going.

The next morning, I opened with one of my best friends, Steph. She trained the crap out of me on prepping for the day. I felt a little better when I was actually learning something. Then the same manager who made me feel unwanted there the night before came back that day with an attitude about something she really didn't even know about.

The next night, I was working with the GM and showed a little bit of what is called the bake table. However, the night was going slow and he sent me home early.

The couple of days I worked after that was with Steph and learned more and more.
Steph, you are an amazing manager. I'm not just saying that because we are best friends...I'm saying that because it's true.
She actually has trained me and most of what I know now.
Last night was probably the best day I had there. I felt like I knew most of what I was doing and it felt so good. I don't like not knowing how to do things, feeling in the way, and feeling useless when I can't help do anything.

Now that I have an idea of what I'm doing...I can't wait to work tonight. I do enjoy working there when I know what I'm doing.

Until then...I'm going to be lounging on my bed and relaxing as much as I can before tomorrow morning, my first of the few 14 hour days.

:)

May 13, 2014

Instead of words today, I thought I'd let people get to know a little more about me through pictures. You know those memes that you can totally relate to? I'll be posting some that I relate to. Who knows, you may feel the same?!

 

More will be coming soon. Sometimes, a picture just says more than I can.

May 11, 2014.

Hello again!
Things have been pretty busy lately!
My one and only baby boy turned FIVE years old a few days ago. I feel OLD. My baby boy isn't such a baby anymore. He will be starting Kindergarten.
Now, I've had some practice with Kaiden going off to school for a couple of years...but I don't think anything will be able to prepare me to send him to Kindergarten. The whole concept that my baby is actually in a real school, in a real grade...I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that he is growing up.
Next thing I know, it will be 360 days from now and I'll be getting myself ready to have a six year old!
I could not have made it this far without my parents. They have helped me so tremendously and I could never say thank you enough.
And my friends that have stuck with me every single step of the way, I wouldn't be this far without them either.
Kaiden and I are so lucky to have so many loving people in our lives.

I have also started my new job at Fazoli's.
I didn't really enjoy my first day at all, my second day was great until someone showed up and made it all crap.
And my third day today was pretty good!
I just gotta get into the swing of things and get more familiar with everything around there. So, if there is a lack in posting, please understand!

To all the mothers out there, I hope your Mother's Day was spectacular! It was beautiful weather for it here in Michigan.

Until later.

May 7, 2014

Well today was a crazy day!

I'm going to get one thing straight here.
I am not someone you can walk on.
I am not someone.  that you can talk down to.
I am not someone that has to take your attitude.

Don't dish it out if you can take it when it comes back to you.
If you don't want an attitude given to you, don't give me one.
I just really think it's much common sense.
Especially at work.
In front of my customers.
Then go lie to your manager about it.

I get that you don't like any of us.
And if you thought you were going to get me in trouble, you really didn't. :)
Your manager can talk to me all she wants, but she's not MY manager.
I already spoke to mine and told her what happened. Sorry, hunny, she knows how you are and she isn't one bit surprised about your part.

I don't know what I ever did to you. I bent over backwards to be nice to you.
But that doesn't mean that you can treat me however the heck you want to treat me.
You came walking in and started that at the very wrong time.
So.

Not that I believe any of readers would do this to me...at least I hope not.
But if anybody wondered...people like her that treat me like that are the reasons that I get defensive so quick and so hard to get to like right away.

I mean, just a little more insight on me.

May 6, 2014

Okay to be honest, I should feel soo much more stressed out, depressed, hating myself than I really do right now.
Don't ask me why, because I have no answer for you.

I'm trying to help a friend out with his break-up.
He sounds just like me when I was saying that nobody will love me, I don't deserve to be happy, etc.
And I'm sitting here like, why do you look at yourself like that? He is SO much more than that! I'm trying to help him see. I wish I could just get him to see what a beautiful life he will have! Sure, he's going through a dark situation, but that will pass! There is so much more to life than that.

And what makes me, of ALL people, see this...I have one clue. I fully believe it is God working on me. I'm definitely not going to push this good feeling away. I mean, it's just wonderful to be feeling stronger than weaker, if that makes sense?

I have very poor self confidence. I like to make people happy. I always second guess myself.
So to feel above the poor confidence...it feels very good.
I know it's not going to last forever, and I do have my days...but I'm gonna be enjoying this as long as I can!

My life can be soooooo much worse!
I could be homeless
I could be jobless
I could be hungry
I could not have a car
I could not have a wonderful child
I could not have friends and family that love me
I could not have electricity, running water, and clothes on my back

I could not have a lot of things.

I am eternally thankful and grateful for everything I have. <3

May 5, 2014

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Today has been a pretty dang good day!
Made decent tips at Jimmy John's, spent some time with one of my best friends, and GOT A NEW JOB!!
If you couldn't tell, I've very excited. :)
I have orientation on Wednesday.

I needed this job.
I prayed to God right before the interview and I told him that I would accept what He has planned for me. If He didn't want me to be there then I wouldn't get hired. If He did want me there then I would get hired. He is not going to put me in a place that He doesn't want me in.

I feel like things are starting to fall back into place again.
I really do have to change things financially to get myself out of the stupid hole that I allowed myself to put myself in. Nobody's fault for it but my own.

I'm very excited to start having more money roll in and work with my best friend. :)
I have a new energy about me, a new sense of motivation.

Plus, I know, believe, and trust that God knows what He is doing with my life and has my back. <3

May 3, 2014

During the Winter, I always complain about the stupid snow and how much I hate it and how I want to move out of Michigan so bad.
When it hits Spring and Summer, Michigan shows the beauty of Pure Michigan and I appreciate it more than I know. I love living in such a beautiful place.
Just could do without the stinking Winter. ;)

After work today, my son, brother, and I went to a park nearby and walked the scenic trails and I just marveled at the beautiful nature around me. When the trees finally have leaves it will look so much better. We went to the playground where a cute little girl about my son's age started following my 13 year old brother around while Kaiden and him were playing tag with each other.
We left after a while and went to another park nearby that one with an even better playground that even the child in me couldn't resist.

I had a good time outside tonight and I'm so excited for the Summer coming up.
I'm glad that I live in West Michigan with access to Lake Michigan and other beautiful places to visit just a short distance away.

I know this is a short post, I've had a long day and really couldn't have gotten through work on 4 hours of sleep without the help of a 5-hour energy shot! That wore off a long time ago, so I'm getting pretty tired.

Here are some of the pictures I have taken tonight.

May 2, 2014

So I know that it's been awhile since I last posted, probably a week ago?

Not really much has been going on.
I was going to the gym everyday until today. Kaiden had a parent-teacher conference this morning and we got there earlier than expected and got it done, but not really enough time for me to be at the gym before work.
So I just went to chat up at my dad's shop then just decided to head to Jimmy's early. I walk in and 90's music was playing. So I was determined that it was going to be a good day. For the most part, it really was!
Came home after work to get ready for an interview, yes INTERVIEW.
I don't wanna say where just yet, though. Not until I find out if I get the job or not. I have told a few people, but haven't said on facebook or anything.
Then Steph and I went to the mall for a few, grabbed some dinner, then picked up Kaiden before dropping her off at home.
So now, Kaiden and I are at home, where all my motivation I had earlier to keep up on the cleanliness of home just seemed to go away.

So, I'm sorry to say that my life has been pretty non-exciting lately, but that's how it is.
I hope things work out in the near future...I really need them to fall into place.

God's Will is what is important. I just pray that He needs me to where He needs me. :)