June 11, 2014

Who I am hates who I've been.

It's a Relient K song, but it really fits. Certain parts of the song just fit so perfectly well in my life right now.

"Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it. See that line? I never should have crossed it."

"I'm sorry for the person I became. I'm sorry that it took too long for me to change. I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again, 'cause who I am hates who I've been."

"I talk to absolutely no one. Couldn't keep to myself enough, and the things bottled inside have finally begun to create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up."

"And I was positive that unless I got myself together, I would watch me fall apart."

Pressing On

Another Relient K song that is really fitting into my life now.

"Somewhere back there, I left my worries all behind. My problems fell out of the back of my mind."

"Pressing on, all my distress is just going, going, gone. And I won't sit back, and take this anymore. 'Cause I'm done with that, I've got one foot out the door, and to go back to where I was would just be wrong. I'm pressing on."


Who am I? Who was I?
I don't even know sometimes.
I don't even know who I want to be.
I feel I got lost along the way of growing up fast after having my son...I was never able to go through that "find myself" stage.
I'm kind of figuring it out, knowing my boundaries on certain things, knowing how much of something I can take.

One thing I know for sure of, who my best friends are. There is no doubt about it. I love my girls so much! They are all uniquely different from each other...each bring a certain and different part of me out.
There is only one friend who lives really close to me now, in fact I work with her now.
I have a best friend who lives about 20 minutes away to the East, 30 minutes away to the West, 45-1 hour South of me, and one that is about 1 1/2 North.
Then this fall, the one who is closest will be moving MILES AND HOURS away. :(

I'm going to miss her like crazy. I miss the ones I don't see all the time...I wish I had the gas money to see them whenever I wanted..
I need my ladies.
More than they really know.
They are my sanity.
Without them, I really would not be as far as I am today.
The ups, the downs.
Altogether.

Them and Kaiden. My sisters and brother.
My life. <3