November 21, 2014

Good morning! I have the day off today and although I wish I could still be sleeping right now, my son didn't have a snow day like I was hoping so I did actually have to get up and get him ready and off to school. Now that I had done that, I don't really want to try falling back asleep because I probably coun't even if I tried.

So I was pleasantly surprised at the fact that some people are actually clicking on the ads that are found on my blog. I get a few cents per click (the amounts depend on the ad) and it's added up so far so fast that I can actually get a payment soon. I know ads are annoying, but it's helping me. So, thank you to whoever clicked on them!

Again, not much has happened since my last post. Pretty much just work, sleep, and relaxation.
My hatred for winter and snow in general has just increased much in the past week.

Since I don't really have much to say, I thought maybe I would share some pictures that I can completely relate to. These are pictures of quotes that I've seen on pinterest or facebook that I saved on my computer because I can completely relate to them somehow. It's another way you can see into what kind of person I am and whatnot.

 Like I said, just a small insight on how I feel about things. I thought I had alot more than I actually did, but maybe again in another post.

Well, this is all for now. I need to gather motivation to do things that really and absolutely have to get done. Have a good day, everyone!

November 15, 2014

So I really fail at updating everyday.
It's hard to do on the nights that I close at work because then I get home late and all I want to do then is lay in bed. I could post during the day but I get lazy.
So what happened since last post?

My best friend moved across the country. :(

She's doing well though. :) She is enjoying having escaped the snow that came the day after her departure and being in 70+ degree weather. I'm currently trying to plan a vacation to visit her sometime early next year. I already miss her so much.

Besides that, not much has happened.

I have enjoyed a day off where the only time I left my apartment was to go to the store and get candy and pop I was really craving.
Not the best thing for when I want to lose weight.
But hey, I have my weak moments.
I might possibly be going to the gym with my cousin tonight after Kaiden is off to bed. Because my sister lets me have a slight life and babysits for me without complaining. I appreciate her so much for it. <3

So lately, I have had a couple of friends who have recently gone through and are still going through a hurtful time caused by someone they were in a long time relationship with.
Why do some boys cheat on such wonderful ladies?! I don't understand. Why hurt them? If you didn't want to be with them, be straight up honest and break it off cleanly and with closure. So lie to their face, don't beat around the bush, don't treat them any less than they deserve. Especially when they give their all to you. I will never understand the logic of it.

I need to do more praying. I need to do more sincere and deep thought, deep talk praying with God. I need to let go of my past in certain parts, I need to change certain things in my life...and I know I need to change other areas to be closer to Him that I'm just not ready to give up yet. It's an inner battle with me, and I need to actually slow down and not shoot just a quick prayer when I see someone ask for prayers for any person or when I want something to go my way or happen for me.
I need to actually make the time and stop pushing it off because I'm lazy. That's no excuse.

I don't know where my life is headed. It's in a spot where I'm just content. It's okay for right now, but I don't want to be just content forever. I just haven't found that thing that will make me take it to the next level. It's alright for now. I don't have much complaints...none that are necessary.

Well, until next time. Hopefully tomorrow on my day off again...no guarantees though. My sister and I have a Red Wings game to go to. <3

November 9, 2014

So I completely failed at my goal in my last post.
It's now 6 days past my birthday and I hadn't posted once.
So this one may or may not be a long-ish post.
I feel like I have a lot to talk about, but I'm just kind of in that mood where I just don't want to put effort into anything. I don't even know! Haha.

First.
One of my best friends is moving in just THREE days! Well, however you want to count days...she's leaving Wednesday morning. I'll be at work putting away truck, but nonetheless be thinking about her. She's taught me so much with work and actually life as well. She's been there since I was pregnant, and even though we had a few times where we stopped being friends...we are better now than we have ever been. I didn't cry on her last day of work, but I knew I would cry closer to her leaving. I actually am right now. For the past 6 years, she has always been right there. I know, with her moving, she will still be there...but not physically and because of the time difference, maybe not right when I need her advice in the moment or whatnot. She has seen me at my best and seen me at my worst. She has been such a staple in my life...a constant for the past couple of years. After Tuesday, we aren't going to be able to make random lunch plans or just hang out before work. It's going to be so different.
BUT. As much as I will terribly miss her...I am so incredibly happy for her and her wonderful husband!! It's definitely a new step in her life and I am so glad that she has a wonderful and amazing husband to be with her every single step of the way. I am so excited to see what lies ahead for her. :)
I love you, Stephanie! <3

Now that I have dried my tears and my eyes have stopped burning...there's been a lot more on my mind.
To me, the word "friend" actually shouldn't be tossed around so easily. If you call someone a friend, then expect them to act like one. If you didn't want them to act like a friend to you, don't call them one. I mean, it's as simple as that. Don't be all friendly one day, but then talking behind their back or acting like a complete 180 the next day. Those are games that really nobody should have time for.

I want a vacation.
Desperately.
I want to go lay on the beach.
I want to be in warm weather!
If I could, I really would live near an ocean. Live on the Florida or South Carolina coast. Most preferably. I want to travel a lot.
I just have this unsatisfying need to move. I don't like staying in one place for so long.
I'm honestly surprised that I have managed to stay with this apartment for 4 years now. I would actually love to move right now, since my lease will up soon...but financially I won't be able to make that work at the moment. So I'm stuck with signing another lease for another year. Maybe in June, things will be different and I will be able to do a buy out from the lease. We will see!

Tomorrow, I'm going to start getting back into the gym. I'm getting settled in at work and being a manager. I can get into the gym when I have the days off or close. I'm not loving my body in the least bit, but the only person that can change that is me.

Well, I felt like I would have more to say...but like I said earlier...not really in the mood. So this is it until tomorrow.

<3

November 2, 2014

Tomorrow is my birthday.
I will be 24.
When I first think about my 23rd year, I didn't really think much happened.
But then I think again.
And I was mistaken.
It's not what other people would be considered much, but for me, it definitely was.

I started out my 23rd year- November 3, 2013- with just two jobs. My first was working for my dad. The second was working for J&H Family Stores. I was still living where I live now. I missed my sister who was in Florida. On November 25, I started a third job. I never imagined that would really happen or really work out. It was at Jimmy John's and it lasted 8 months. By July, I had slowly quit all three jobs. I got a new job at Rally House that was what I thought I would always love...working with sports apparel and getting to wear jeans or shorts to work. I didn't really love it. It was not busy enough and I found myself so bored. In May, however, one of my best friends got me a job at her work. Fazoli's. And honestly, I love it. I am now an associate manager. I am satisfied right now with where I'm at. I'm just about completely caught up financially. My sister who was in Florida now currently lives with me. My son had started kindergarten during my 23rd year as well.

Going to into my 24th year, I'm sick. I spent all weekend being sick and it sucks. But could most definitely be worse. I have so many blessings that I don't always thank God for. Starting today, I guess, I will be trying my very best to post every single day. I want to be able to look back at my year, right before I turn 25 and see how far I have come.

I have a good feeling about this coming year.
I hope that I am right.

Although, one sad thing happens in the first two weeks of being 24...one of my best friends moves to Arizona! :( As much as I will miss her...I am so excited for her to start a new chapter in her life, I'm so excited for her to be so happy. :)

October 31, 2014

So this is a ranting post.
I'm flustered with the whole thing.

How are you going to pick a manipulative and lying person over your own son.
What does that say about you?
You want to blame me for you not seeing him.
You can only blame yourself.
I chose to stop fighting and be friends. And I told you from the get that if things get hostile, you were going to be blocked and definitely out of Kaiden's life until he is 18.
You think I was kidding?!
You think that I was so stupid to just let you do whatever you want?
Excuse you.
My son deserves a hell of a lot better than you could ever give him.
I gave you a chance against my better judgement.
I should have listened to my head and my gut.
But I allowed it because Kaiden was started to ask about you.
But this, this is so stupid.
You are almost 25 fricken years old.
My 16 year old sister is more mature than you.
Grow up, get a job, get a real life, do something! Take care of your responsibilities.
Be an adult.
Not a little kid.
Kaiden needs a dad, not a big brother, not a friend, not another kid to play with. He doesn't need any of those from you.

I say the same thing over and over and over to you and you just don't listen.
So, bye!

Kaiden will have someone better in his life...better than you will ever be.

October 24, 2014

Obviously it's been a while since I updated.
Things haven't been like overly exciting...but some things have changed that were pretty big.

I have been officially certified and have done a couple of morning shifts on my own. Monday night is my first closing shift with no manager closing with me. So I'm pretty excited for that.
Financially I am in a better place than I have been in such a while.

The other big thing is that my son's father and I are no longer fighting.
It doesn't mean that he just gets to suddenly see Kaiden whenever he wants...I still have to be able to trust him first to even stay in Kaiden's life once Kaiden is introduced to him. He will be able to see Kaiden, but won't be able to take Kaiden without me there for quite the long time yet.
One step at a time.
It's working pretty well right now.
We are talking and I'm giving him advice on certain things and he even admitted that I'm the evil bitch he thought I was.
I am even talking friendly with his girlfriend. :)
It just feels so good not to have that bitterness anymore.

Now, my parents seem to think that just because him and I are talking on friendly terms that I'm trying to be with him.
Like, where do you even get that idea?! Just because I'm sick of the bitterness, sick of the fighting?!
It's irritating. Can I not have a friendship with the father of my child without getting with him? Yes, I absolutely can.

Speaking of being with someone.
Tonight, I was at the wedding of one of our associate pastors at my church and the daughter of Pastor Gary, and it got me thinking about my wedding some day. I have a lot of plans already started.
But that's getting ahead of myself.
First, I kinda need a man for that wedding I'm thinking about.

And for once, I'm actually waiting on God's time instead of worrying about it. Although, I do feel like it will happen soon, which is a different feeling than a year or so ago.
He will be the perfect guy for me.
He will make me laugh, make me smile, will probably make me cry sometimes. He will love my son like his own. He will be so comfortable with himself that he doesn't care what anybody says about him. He won't be so judgemental, he will love everyone and everything and see the best in anybody.
There are so many things.
And of course, he will be a lover of the most favorite sport ever, HOCKEY. He doesn't necessarily have to be a Red Wings fan.

Someday.

<3

October 9, 2014

So I have to be completely honest.

I am actually almost loving my life right now.
No lie.
Yes, it's super frustrating at times. Like tonight, I was so frustrated with a few things that I just wanted to cry.
But listening to the Red Wings kick Boston in the face just made it all better.

I have absolutely amazing sister friends. I have a great family-- parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts/uncles/cousins, etc. My son is the absolute most wonderful blessing my life! I have a solid full time job. I'm ahead on rent, with my sister's help. Hockey is back!

I like most of my co-workers- all of the managers and most of the associate.

Yeah, there are going to be bad days.

But for once, I don't feel like I need to keep searching for anything.
Sure, I want to get married....but if it's in God's will for me, it will happen and it will happen on His time. But really, I'm actually content.

I've found myself to be happier than I was a year ago. I credit this to acceptance of things I hadn't before, my family and friends, and having just one job instead of 2 or 3.
I actually have some time to myself, yet still have the time to make money, yet still have time to spend with my child. Something that I really never had.


I honestly can't find anything that would be worth it to complain about.
Even on the toughest days...a night cuddling with my child cures all. <3


Did I mention hockey is back?! ;)