September 21, 2014

Change.
I've talked about it. Always said I was going to do it. Never did it. I was honestly just lazy.

Right now, though, I just have to. In some areas. I need to really and truly better myself for my son and I. I need to let go of the things that hold me down...the things that I let hold me down. All my insecurities, thoughts, feelings, decisions. I need to turn each of those around and make them better in every single way.
I know it's not going to take over night. I know it's going to take time.
But why live my life with feelings that I hate and always complain about?
Jealousy, paranoia, fear, anxiety.
I'm not going to let them control me anymore.

I look at pictures of myself and sometimes I think my face and hair are pretty enough...but when I see whole body pictures, I actually want to gag and just say ew.
I really shouldn't feel like that about myself.
I should be able to look at myself and think, damn! Haha.
I should be able to feel and be confident with myself.
But in order to get there, I need to start internally.

What actually make me to want to for real do this?

Church.

Church has done so much for me and I love it. It's a slow process, but I'm getting there.
Church helps a lot and every time I go, it just boosts everything.
The hard thing for me is taking what I learn and hear and actually applying it consistently to my life. Not just one day but every single day.

That's how it works for me.