August 23, 2014 (Cussing is in this post, so if you don't like it, I suggest not reading it.)

So I'm going to get one thing straight right now.

I am NOT somebody that is to be walked all over.
I am not somebody that is going to talked to in a certain way but not allowed to talk back in the same manner.

Apparently, people in my life think that I'm just supposed to take being verbally put down in ways. Talked down to. Treated like a kid.

Fuck you.

I'm an adult.
And yeah, I have those days where I'm going to get upset about something that is actually very important to myself, but of so little importance to someone else.

I can't vent to anybody about anything anymore without SOMEONE getting upset. When really, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with the person I vent out to.

Like there are many times that I just want to LEAVE. Go somewhere else where I don't know a fucking soul and just start over.

Yeah, I used to be that girl five years ago who didn't want to upset people so just went along with what they said or did. I let my son's father and an ex of mine treat me like crap, mentally and verbally abuse me, treat me like a child, and talk down to me...just so they wouldn't leave or get upset with me.

I still don't like making certain people upset, so people still take advantage of it.

So many people still treat me like a child.
Or I feel like I'm treated like a child.
Or maybe I just feel like a fucking child and I fucking hate it.
I'm a fucking mother of a child, not a child myself.

I have some attributes that are childlike in some ways I guess.
I feel like some of that is because I was forced to grow up faster than I should have.

I feel a lot of different ways.
But who just really cares?
Nobody acts like they care.
Some say it, but when it comes time that I need them to care, they just don't.

Like I just don't understand.
I don't understand my life.
I don't understand myself.
I just don't understand.

I hate it.
I hate crying.
But that's all I do anymore.

I'm too damn sensitive for my good.
I wish I could just not feelings except for love for my child. That's it.
I don't want these feelings.